A RATTLE MACHINE

"I don't like you, but I love you."

2011-11-10T09:31:00.000-05:00

Recently, I have acquired an appreciation for one Miss Deschanel, who I had previously referred to as "the lesser Deschanel," owing to my intense appreciation of Bones. Yes, that would be Zooey-- the indie darling--everyone else's favorite Deschanel.

I first encountered her as the girl who sings in the shower in Elf, which my mom forces me to watch the first twenty minutes of almost every Christmas. I really can't stand that movie.

However, the thing that everyone likes that she did? 500 Days of Summer. Except for the part where they sing the Smiths song in the elevator, I mostly thought it was annoying. And that was most certainly not due to this guy:

(any dude who does this = awesome)

So imagine my surprise when I start watching New Girl, after being badgered by multiple friends into thinking I would like it, and I DO LIKE IT. And next! I downloaded She & Him's first album, because, you know, I guess I don't really have anything against her voice. And I LOVE IT. My invisible blog-stalker responded to this with: "Isn't that kind of hipster twee?" Yes, but it's also sweet, and old-fashioned. And I like it.

I can't quite put my finger on what has changed. Maybe it's because New Girl makes her seem less than perfect? Maybe it's the fact that the show is so insane as to be a kind of hipster 30 Rock, down to the flashbacks of Zooey aka Jess as a particularly unfortunate child? I don't know, but please excuse me while I listen to the She & Him version of "You Really Got a Hold on Me" another 40,000 times.

Le Fabuleux Destin de Mary!

2011-10-27T21:27:00.002-04:00

Recently, I was forced to watch Amélie for the very first time. I know, I know, it's the one French movie that everyone of my general social class and approximate education level has seen, and I love French things so I should have seen it years ago. I got it. I even own it because I bought it during one of those "Buy 3, Get 1 Free" DVD sales that Borders used to have. And now I've seen it. I even quite liked it, and I tend to find it unusual to not be disappointed by these sorts of things after so many years of extreme buildup.

However, one of the things most charming about Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain is how all of the characters are introduced by their likes and dislikes--as if that is all the viewer, in this movie that is very self-conscious about its narrativity, would ever really need to know about the person. That these two or three likes and two or three dislikes contain everything necessary to understand the person at hand.

For example, Amélie's parents:

"Raphaël Poulain dislikes peeing next to someone else. He also dislikes catching scornful glances at his sandals, and clingy wet swimming trunks. Raphaël Poulain likes peeling large strips of wallpaper, lining up and shining his shoes, emptying his toolbox, cleaning it out, and putting everything back."

"Amélie's mother... dislikes puckered fingers in the bath, having her hands touched by strangers, and pillow marks on her cheek in the morning. Amandine Poulain likes figure skaters' costumes, polishing the parquet, emptying her handbag, cleaning it out and putting everything back."

So in these short lists, which might make the people seem solitary and eccentric, we understand the attraction between the two of them. At the behest of the person who finally forced me to watch the movie, who is also an invisible stalker of this blog and suggested this as a blog topic, I began to wonder what my list would include if I were being introduced as, perhaps, a patron at the Café des Deux Moulins.

Here goes:

"Mary dislikes people who parallel park facing traffic. She also dislikes when vegetables are mixed into otherwise extraordinarily appealing meals, and pigeons in flight. Mary likes watching Hocus Pocus every Halloween, reading literary novels that only appeal to the small percent of the population that reads The Paris Review, watching baseball games, and excessively badgering her friends to like the things that she likes."

What do you think? What's yours?

A Photographic Ode to the Palm Tree

2011-10-24T23:02:00.000-04:00

(editor's note: I had an idea for a blog post last week and no time to write it, so as long as I do that by the end of the week I'm considering my 101 in 1001 streak in tact.)

So... basically, I'm obsessed with palm trees. Having grown up in Ohio and without much occasion to observe them, I just fundamentally do not understand them. They look so prehistoric, and it seems like they all look different. I have no idea if this aesthetic difference is because they are all different species of palm tree... or if it's due to some sort of environmental condition... orrrrrr what exactly.

Exhibits from my trip to Montpellier, France, this summer:

Lining the street!

Growing in clumps!

Short and squat! (Crappy picture taken excitedly from the window of a bus)

And this weekend, I went to Los Angeles... which is basically Palm Tree Heaven.

Reeeeeally tall and thin!

Adding to art installations! (this is the Chris Burden piece at LACMA)

What is this, a friggin' rainforest?!

But somehow this last picture seems most appropriate... that poor prehistoric elephant stuck in the tar pits, away from his family. But look!! More palm trees!

The oh-so-charming La Brea Tar Pits inhabitants

If this were a movie, the elephant on the shore would make one of those trees bend down to pull his/her friend out. I seem to recall a tar pit related rescue happening in The Land Before Time.

But of course, the La Brea Tar Pits weren't formed until after the dinosaurs died out, as all 90 million of the pedagogical signs insist on announcing. Go ahead, burst my bubble, you damn scientists.

In the grand tradition of McSweeney's and their lists...

2011-10-12T00:05:00.000-04:00

...here's a list of dissertations I sometimes wish I were writing, with perhaps less irony than McSweeney's usually puts forth:

"Go Tribe! Historical Perceptions of Race and the Iconography of the Cleveland Indians"

"Swingin' the Jinx Away: Patriotism in MGM Musicals of the Interwar Years"

"Blammo and Blurgh: Liz Lemon's Linguistic Expression and the Expansion of Comedic Speech in 30 Rock"

"Phestival Phans: Latter-Day Hippie Culture and the Contamination of Free Love"

"Side by Side by Side: Models of Marriage in Sondheim's Company, Follies, and A Little Night Music"

"42 Hegel Place: Mulder's Truth and Popular Philosophy in The X-Files"

"I Like Myself: Gene Kelly's Masculinity and the Paradigm of the Graceful, Enlightened Male"

"Fly, Free Bird: Southern Rock and Its Dialogical Reception Among Generations of Concert-goers"

"Lynch's Black Lodge: Twin Peaks as Allegory"

"Musetta's History: Perceptions of illness and La Vie Boheme through Murger, Puccini, and Larson"

"This Guitar Kills Fascists: The Legacy of Woody Guthrie in the Songs of Seeger, Dylan, and Springsteen"

"Gatekeeper and Keymaster: Intersections between Ghostbusters and Historical Parapsychological Phenomena"

"Dana Scully, Temperance Brennan, and the Implications of Fighting Crime With Science While Female"

"Crazy Heart to Rooster Cogburn: The Cowboy Conundrum in Contemporary American Culture"

and... my favorite,:
"A Save Situation: Collecting and Displaying Baseball's Visual Culture"**

**This last one... is not so much a joke as it is a book that I would maybe attempt to write if I somehow found a magic gold wishing tree and got tenure and couldn't be fired.

"the most delightful habit in the world"

2011-10-07T18:16:00.000-04:00

Reading didn't use to be my last on my list of things I wanted to do, ways to spend a weekend night, things I did for fun. I was always the kid hiding books under her desk to read for fun during class--but, in my case, this was partially because I already knew so much of what was being taught... from reading other books... for fun. So, you know, imagine my surprise to find myself an overeducated 25-year-old who doesn't really read that much. I read about French art... and various articles and blogs online... and enough theater and movie reviews to have to pay for a NYTimes.com subscription...and maybe I read more than a lot of Americans and more things that are LITERARY (such a big, intimidating, anti-populist concept these days, it seems) since I often try to talk about books I've heard of to some of my also overeducated twenty-something friends and they often have no idea what I'm talking about.

One of the best things about being in Paris this summer (beyond, you know, the baseline at which everything in Paris is better) was that I found myself able to read. I would go to a museum, or attempt to do research, and then come home... and bereft of my ever-expanding-probably-too-ginormous-for-sanity DVD collection, I would choose to read one of the books I had brought with me. I read classics like The Sun Also Rises, Of Human Bondage, Jane Eyre... all things I probably should have read years ago. And yet- I'm acutely aware of how things I read years ago impact me differently now. So maybe I should be reading more now. When I came home from France and I was talking to my dad about the things I had read, he asked me why the hell I was reading all these classics... and I said something to the effect of: "I like feeling smarter. I like knowing that what I'm reading is important enough that, though I'm reading it for pleasure, it could factor into historical discussions of art, so maybe I'll hear talks or read articles/books for school and understand them better because I've read the books they're using comparatively." And he just said, "Oh, ok," seemingly convinced.

Eiffel Tower; the park area in the front is where I liked to read.

But here's the thing: generally, I feel better when I have a book close at hand. Whether it's Chuck Klosterman or Charlotte Bronte, reading makes me feel more like myself. And though taking the time to read is admittedly easier when your view looks like this:

...perhaps it's something I should do more often.

"they're still artists"

2011-10-06T11:25:00.002-04:00

Steve Jobs considered himself an artist:

"One of my role models is Bob Dylan. As I grew up, I learned the lyrics to all his songs and watched him never stand still. If you look at the artists, if they get really good, it always occurs to them at some point that they can do this one thing for the rest of their lives, and they can be really successful to the outside world but not really be successful to themselves. That’s the moment that an artist really decides who he or she is. If they keep on risking failure, they’re still artists. Dylan and Picasso were always risking failure. This Apple thing is that way for me. I don’t want to fail, of course. But even though I didn’t know how bad things really were, I still had a lot to think about before I said yes. I had to consider the implications for Pixar, for my family, for my reputation. I decided that I didn’t really care, because this is what I want to do. If I try my best and fail, well, I’ve tried my best."

—Steve Jobs, CNNMoney/Fortune, November 9, 1998
(found in Mindy Kaling's "People I Love Who Invented Things That I Love" Tribute)

Anyway, I wanted to post this somewhere, and it seemed too long for facebook and perhaps also weird because I've always been a staunch PC person, despite recent thoughts of converting to Mac. Either way, Steve Jobs' passing is sad, and maybe this is weird, but seeing all the tributes from people both famous and not, powerful and not (President Obama's last comment on the White House blog is a favorite) has almost made me want a Mac more.

I've also been thinking recently about returning to blogging, so maybe this is my return? I believe I promised in my 101 Things in 1001 Days post to blog at least once a week for 3 months, and I'm still, slowly but surely, working my way through that list.

Overheard in Starbucks, III:

2010-10-31T11:56:00.000-04:00

Or rather, the B&N Cafe which serves Starbucks Coffee.

A man self-identified as a motorcycle instructor to a stranger, on his fluorescent yellow coat:
"I teach my students to see and be seen. If they can't see me in this, they're Stevie Wonder... I like to call them organ donors."

Something fishy

2010-09-30T07:59:00.001-04:00

I can officially say that I've had my first real sushi. And since I've waited until the next morning to write this, I can officially mark off #57 on my list of 101 Things-- "Try sushi (and not vomit)."

Since I was with friends who... well... let's just say, the email invite included the words "I need to raise my mercury levels back to normal." They picked their favorites, I ate, and handed over money.

I had pieces of these kinds: California Roll, Tuna Roll, Spicy Salmon Roll, Pink Lady Roll (spicy fatty tuna and crunchy & avocado inside,top with fresh cut salmon), and Madness Roll (spicy tuna,spicy yellowtail inside,outside with crispy spicy salmon on top).

All in all, the verdict is: TASTY. My favorite was the Spicy Salmon Roll, and my least favorite was the Tuna Roll (which is almost entirely unsurprising to me-- the smell of canned tuna makes me want to die). I'm not sure I'm a total fan yet, but now I know that I like it enough to enjoy sushi when friends want it for dinner.

26 Movies (16/26)

2010-09-06T16:27:00.010-04:00

I suppose I'll need to track #10 on my list somehow... like in this post!

#10 is: "Watch 26 movies I've never seen starting with each letter of the alphabet."

If the movie merits discussing, I'll maybe post in order to help complete #35 (Update my blog at least once a week for three months), and link to the reviews as well.

A. The American, 9.6.10
B. Black Swan, 12.20.10
C. Crazy Stupid Love
D. The Debt, 9.17.11
E.
F.
G. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, 12.27.10
H. Hugo, 1.21.11
I. The Ides of March
J.
K. The King's Speech, 1.7.11
L.
M. Midnight in Paris, 9.24.11
N. Never Let Me Go
O. Of Human Bondage, July 2011
P. Paul, 3.29.11
Q.
R.
S. The Social Network, 10.02.10
T. The Town, 9.25.10
U.
V.
W. Winter's Bone
X. The X-Files: Fight the Future, 1.23.10
Y.
Z.

Overheard in Starbucks, II:

2010-08-23T17:53:00.000-04:00

One barista: "So 7-Eleven's coffee is sooooooooo good."
Every other barista in the shop: "WHOOOOOAAAAA!"
First barista: "Seriously! It's so hard to find a Starbucks down the shore, gotta get coffee somewhere."

So many things wrong with this.

Day Zero Project-- 101 things in 1001 days.

2010-08-23T00:20:00.053-04:00

I've unabashedly stolen this idea from Suburban Sweetheart, who writes very compellingly about life in DC as an Ohio native. It's the Day Zero Project, in which people make lists of the 101 things that they want to do over the course of 1001 days. As a means of epic procrastination from my qualifying exam studying, I decided to make a list, and over the remaining 999 days (it took me a little while to think of the full 101), I'll try to do everything on the list. I'm scheduled to finish May 18, 2013.

The categories, much like the idea, have been pilfered and altered slightly from those used by Suburban Sweetheart. I intend to upgrade my progress here, and the post can always be accessed by the link under my blog title. Italics means that something's in progress, and ~~strikethrough text~~ means that I've completed a task.

The List:

Culture
1. Read at least one book a month for a year. (9/12; April: Bossypants (audiobook) by Tina Fey, May: A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway; June: The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway, July: Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham; August: The Lovers by Vendela Vida; September: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers; October: The Visible Man by Chuck Klosterman; November: Nocturnes by Kazuo Ishiguro; December: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson)
2. Read the 4 Jane Austen books I haven’t read yet. (0/4)
3. Read a current literary bestseller while it’s actually still on the bestseller list.

4. Read Ulysses or Infinite Jest.
~~5. Go to 5 museums that I’ve never been to before.~~ (5/5; New Museum, Lower East Side Tenement Museum, The Barnes Foundation, Neue Galerie, Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum)
6. Listen to The Observer’s 50 Albums that changed music. (0/50)
7. See 3 less well-known musicians/bands in concert for the first time (2/3; 11.30.11 Marketa Irglova; 12/2/11 Sondre Lerche)
~~8. Watch every episode of The X-Files and the two movies. (202/202, 2/2)~~
9. Watch every James Bond movie. (13/22) [I was doing this already and had stalled after For Your Eyes Only]
10. Watch 26 movies I’ve never seen starting with each letter of the alphabet. (15/26; tracked here)
11. See all of the movies on at least one of the AFI 100 lists on my desk.
12. See 5 documentaries I’ve never seen before. (2/5; Imaginary Witness: Hollywood and the Holocaust; Girl 27)

Self
13. Live alone.
14. Lose 20 pounds and keep it off for the remainder of the 1001 days.
15. Rise by 9am every day for a month.
16. Take vitamins daily for a month.
17. Stop biting my nails.
18. Wear a skirt or dress every day for a week.
19. Take a new kind of dance class (i.e. not tap, jazz, ballet, or belly-dancing).
20. Keep a nice notebook full of favorite quotes and lyrics.
21. Build a wardrobe of more professional clothes.
22. Do the 200 sit-up challenge.

School
~~23. Pass my Ph.D. qualifying exams.~~
~~24. Do research in France.~~
25. Be comfortable speaking French. To others.
26. Present papers at three conferences. (2/3)
27. Finish my masters essay.
~~28. Propose my dissertation.~~
29. Get a grant to spend my fifth year of grad school in anywhere but New Jersey.
30. Start learning a new language.
31. Teach a class on my own.
~~32. Introduce myself to one art historian whose work I admire.~~
33. Walk to school five days in a row. (0/5)
34. Go to five professional conferences. (3/5)

Technology
35. Update my blog at least once a week for 3 months. (0/12)
36. Clean out/archive my Gmail inbox.
37. Give up Facebook for a week
38. Buy a new regular sized laptop or desktop computer.
~~39. Retire my desktop from undergrad.~~
~~40. Patronize three Etsy sellers for the first time.~~ (3/3; Latherati Soap Foundry, And Paper Hearts, and Brookish)

People
41. Find someone who might be referred to as a “gentleman caller.”
42. Send a gift to a friend “just because.”
~~43. Send 10 Christmas cards.~~
44. Compile an address book and keep it up to date.
45. Send five postcards via postcrossing.com. (4/5)
46. Send/give 5 mix CDs to friends. (4/5)

Spirit and the Earth
47. Finish reading The Solitary Druid.
48. Learn to meditate and do it regularly.
~~49. Get a tarot card reading.~~
~~50. Calculate my carbon footprint.~~ [Done here--mine was 17 tons. Not great, but 10 tons under the US national average.]
51. Read a book on Buddhism.
52. Adopt a species through the World Wildlife Fund.
~~53. Remember to bring my reusable bag on five consecutive trips to Stop and Shop. (5/5)~~
54. Avoid bottled water, except in matters of health or Mexican vacations.

Food & Drink
~~55. Try 10 new beers.~~ (10/10; Harvest Moon Brewery's Belgian Triple, Triumph Brewing Co.'s Coffee and Cream Stout, Speakeasy Prohibition Ale, Dixie Blackened Voodoo Lager, Monty Python's Holy Grail Ale, Victory Brewing Company Golden Monkey, Yuengling's Lord Chesterfield Ale; Cuvée de Ciney Brune; Brugse Zot; Chimay Rouge)
56. Find 5 new ways to drink gin. (2/5; Earl Grey Gin Martini, sloe gin fizz)
~~57. Try sushi (and not vomit).~~ (Read about my experience here.)
58. Try Ethiopian food.
~~59. Go to five new restaurants that don’t belong to major chains~~. (5/5; Midori Sushi, Sahara--almost nothing in France falls into a chain, so I've had Merivan, Le Saint-Andre, and Cafe Victoria here)
60. Host a dinner party using a new recipe.
61. Learn to make tiramisu.
~~62. Eat Earl Grey ice cream at The Bent Spoon in Princeton, NJ.~~ (Chocolate Earl Grey, but same difference.)
~~63. Give up Starbucks for a month.~~
64. Bake a pie.
65. Learn enough about wine to choose a favorite house or type.
66. Take a French cooking class, or teach myself with Julia Child’s books.
~~67. Give up fast food for a month.~~

Travel
68. Go to Ireland.
69. Visit Karen in Chicago.
70. Go to 5 more Major League Baseball stadiums for the first time. (0/5)
71. See one of the big Western national parks (Yellowstone, Yosemite, Grand Canyon, Grand Tetons).
72. Go to a country technically outside of North America and Europe.
~~73. Visit 5 gravesites of famous artists, writers, or musicians in at least 3 different cities.~~ (5/5; Paris cemeteries can only count for three of these-- so Degas in Montmartre, Manet in Passy, and Marcel Proust in Pere Lachaise; Bazille, in the Cimitiere des Protestants in Montpellier; and Peter Paul Rubens, in Sint-Jacobskerk in Antwerp, Belgium)
~~74. Go on one legitimate vacation that is not visiting my parents and does not have anything to do with art (except, perhaps, a casual visit to an art museum)~~. (Belgium!)
75. Do a “haunted” walking tour of some sort.
76. Go to the Eastern State Penitentiary.

Fun
77. See U2 in concert.
78. Go to my first NBA game.
79. Watch a Premier League football game in a bar.
80. Finish the cable scarf I started over a year ago.
81. Go to another music festival, preferably one I’ve never been to before.
82. See Dave Matthews in two more states. (0/2)
83. Go to a stand-up comedy show.
84. Host a Ghostbusters party so that I can stop yelling at so many people to watch the movie.
85. Actually dress up and go out for Halloween this year.
86. Gene Kelly marathon (at least 3 movies).
87. Go to a jazz club.

NYC/NJ
88. See 5 shows in Lincoln Center (operas, ballets, orchestral music). (1/5; Gounod's Romeo et Juliette at the Met Opera)
89. Take my Beat Generation guide to NYC and walk around the city.
90. Take a tour of the Brooklyn Brewery.
91. Brave the real Jersey Shore.
92. Go to each of the five boroughs at least once during the 1001 days. (3/5; Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens)
93. Spend a day at the contemporary art galleries in Chelsea.
94. Go to a taping of a TV show.
~~95. Give money to a street/subway musician, instead of just thinking how much I enjoy their music.~~
96. Compile my own list of Ghostbusters landmarks and spend a day finding them throughout the city.
~~97. Go to the flea market in Lambertville, NJ.~~

Finances
98. Go a month without buying a DVD or a CD.
99. Repay the money I owe my mother.
~~100. Transfer $20 into savings every month for a year. (12/12)~~
~~101. Keep a money diary for a month.~~

TASKS COMPLETED: 26/101

Overheard in Starbucks:

2010-08-21T13:42:00.002-04:00

"OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT. RADIOHEAD IS ART AND WONDERFUL AND FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE MUSIC NOT IDIOT MORONS WHO LISTEN TO POP BECAUSE IT'S POPULAR." One male barista, to an obnoxious female barista who loudly proclaimed that Radiohead and Coldplay were in the same category in her eyes.

"A hay ride, a fire, everybody's coming around"

2010-08-06T23:00:00.006-04:00

So last night, my friend Kim and I went to see the Kings of Leon in Camden, NJ (which... I hate that place, but it's the closest). We witnessed a boy seizing, were splashed with beer (not our own), witnessed two almost fights (you'd think the one guy had impugned the other's wife, but noooo he just stepped on their blanket), and generally had a pretty intense rock concert experience-- that is to say, totally different than the hippie lovefest type concerts that I've frequented over the past few years. We even got there early enough that we were on the very front of the lawn-- as in, pressed up against the railing, unobstructed view of the stage.

And yet... I can't remember a time that I've been so disappointed in a band that I so desperately wanted to like. Not that they did anything wrong, per se. The lead singer's voice is even more incredible live than it is on any of their records, the guitar player was really excellent, and the kinds of layered "wall of sound" music on their latest record really lends itself to being played live... and yet... I wasn't totally feeling it.

For starters, I was the LEAST COOL person there, since I was dressed in my jean shorts/t-shirt/french-braided pigtails library uniform... but that doesn't bother me in and of itself. I'm kind of used to being the lamest one in the room this summer, since all I do is go to the library and read and try not to go totally insane.

The openers, The Stills and Built to Spill, were... horrible. The first sounded like they think they're Muse (or at least the singer did), and the second was just the most horrible, derivative radio rock you can image this side of Nickelback.

Then, there's the fact that the Kings of Leon have released four albums to date... and I'm apparently the only person on the planet who thinks Youth and Young Manhood blows Only By The Night out of the friggin' water. Which... is, again, totally fine. And I recognize that I have no right, as an experienced concert-goer, to be pissed not to hear many songs from earlier albums when they've clearly reached a much wider audience through their more recent work. HOWEVER... they played only two songs from Youth and Young Manhood--"Trani" and "Molly's Chambers." And they played "Molly's Chambers" about 20 beats too slow. It's totally one thing to change up and experiment and do all the improvisational awesomeness that I expect my favorite bands to do... but it wasn't so much improvisation as it was just playing the song too damn slow. And things like that just make me wonder if they actually can't play live the kind of off-the-rails Skynrd/Allman Bros. inspired rock that dominates Young and Young Manhood. And that's the kind of thing that makes me angry I paid $50 to get squished on the lawn with 10,000 of their mush-brained Top 40-loving fans.

That was about the order of the show-- little banter (which pisses me off- I go to concerts to hear what I can't on an album), very capable renditions of songs from their albums to accompany the yelling and fist-pumping of the audience. (Oh, Jersey.) The yelling and fist-pumping audience that lit up like crazy whenever the band played a song off Only By the Night... and they played 7 of the 11 songs on that album (I counted the second we got back in the car). And yet! My two favorite songs on that album are "I Want You" and "Revelry"... which were among the scant four not played.

They finished the main set (even before they finished people were streaming out of the amphitheater) and went offstage for the standard encore fake-out. *checks watch* Oh, huh, THAT WAS ONLY AN HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES. Thanks, really. They come back... play three songs, and end with "Black Thumbnail" off Because of the Times. Really?? REALLY? Just... weird. Badly constructed setlists are also a concert pet peeve of mine, and this was the mother of them all... just... weird. And I'm pretty sure they did that because it's more appropriate to set off good-bye pyrotechnics at the end of "Black Thumbnail" than at the end of "Use Somebody," which preceded it and which I thought would be the final song.

And yet, after all that, I was so confused when we left. I wanted to like the show... and it's not that I didn't because, really, I still love their music and I LOVE the lead singer's voice SO MUCH. I was even pleased that the audience really seemed to be into the music (and perhaps even more sober, even with the fights) in ways that they totally weren't when we saw Dave Matthews there earlier this summer--though maybe that's also symptomatic of us being up against the railing and unable to see people moving through the crowd. Either way, there was an amazing amount of energy in the room and that was kind of neat to be a part of that again (especially since... on the way home, I spent about 20 minutes trying to remember the last true rock concert I had been to and the best I could come up with was RHCP like FOUR YEARS AGO).

The best part of the show, however, was that they debuted a couple of new songs, and I shall continue to refer narcissistically to one, "Mary," as "the one they named after me!" I offer a YouTube video from a concert earlier this year:

I love how it's really old school, kind of early Beatles meets general badass-edness.

So... in conclusion... I'm still confused about my feelings for this concert. I joked to Kim on the way home though that perhaps we'll just consider this concert penance for only actually paying for one of their albums (on sale at Target, no less) and be satisfied with the Kings of Leon on CD. I think I'm mostly just disappointed that they might not be the through-and-through legit band that I thought they were... and that perhaps, if I had caught them in a shitty theater like the Agora when Youth and Young Manhood came out, it would have been one of those uncommonly amazing concert experiences that I ramble on about even now to anyone who'll listen.

Oscar Quest 2010 is upon us

2010-02-02T20:14:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm making my return to the blogosphere perhaps unsurprisingly with... wait for it...

OSCAR QUEST 2010!

The nominees are... kind of all really expected-- not that I'm happy with all of them. I've seen quite a few of these movies and those ones are in blue here. I'll probably be updating with reviews etc. as I see the ones I haven't seen yet.

Best Picture

Avatar

The Blind Side

District 9

An Education

The Hurt Locker

Inglourious Basterds

Precious

A Serious Man

Up in the Air

Best Director

Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

James Cameron, Avatar

Lee Daniels, Precious

Jason Reitman, Up in the Air

Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds

Best Actor

Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart

George Clooney, Up in the Air

Colin Firth, A Single Man

Morgan Freeman, Invictus

Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker

Best Actress

Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side

Hellen Mirren, The Last Station

Carey Mulligan, An Education

Gabourey Sidibe, Precious

Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia

Best Supporting Actor

Matt Damon, Invictus

Woody Harrelson, The Messenger

Christopher Plummer, The Last Station

Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones

Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

Best Supporting Actress

Penelope Cruz, Nine

Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart

Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air

Mo'Nique, Precious

Best Animated Film

Coraline

Fantastic Mr. Fox

The Princess and the Frog

The Secret of Kells

Rawr.

2009-08-05T16:24:00.005-04:00

I think New Jersey is finally getting to me. I was pacing the halls of A.C. Moore (like Michael's for you Ohioans) this morning after paying my term bill (*gag*) and realizing that I had ingested no form of caffeine in the entire three hours that I'd been conscious... and I started to get that feeling that, if something did not change that second, I would go all Incredible Hulk and eat the first-born child of the lady with the heavy Joisey accent in the next row. Or maybe that was just the lack of caffeination talking...

Anyway, one thing that stands out in the category of "Things I Hate About New Jersey" is Pathmark. Yes, it's just a measley grocery store. And yes, I still patronize it on a regular basis because there's one next to Target and I'm lazy. However, as I mentioned in my last post, I started reading Julie & Julia (in preparation for both the movie's release and my quest to combat my hatred for all French food that is not in pastry form)... and Julie Powell articulates quite epically why Pathmark deserves the venomous thoughts of all sane people. She's trying to find sugar cubes to make an orange Bavarian cream for her brother, and she writes:

The Key Food on Thirty-sixth Street in Astoria didn't have sugar cubes either, though I did pick up the beets and potatoes for the Salade a la d'Argenson that I had totally forgotten to get at Western Beef because I'd written them down at the last minute, on the other side of the shopping list. So I tried the Pathmark. I'd never been to the Pathmark, and let me tell you, I'm never going again. There's nothing I need that much. The sliding doors at the Pathmark open into a wide, white, empty hallway, totally devoid of any sign of life or foodstuffs. At any moment I expected to see a chiseled Aryan commandant come around the corner to usher me along: "Ja, please, right this way, take a cart, the food is just through here." But I was at last funneled into not a gas chamber, but a glaring white supermarket the size of a stadium, where for the price of the existential horror felt upon witnessing families buying two carts full of RC cola and generic cheese doodles, or a lonely older man purchasing three dozen packages of ramen noodles and four cartons of no-pulp orange juice, I could procure sugar cubes.

Haaa. I really like this book so far.

Stranded in this spooky town

2009-08-03T21:04:00.004-04:00

I apologize for the lack of any kind of posts recently. Baseball observations sans anger are at a minimum this season, my thoughts this summer have been mostly Twitter-size and not blog post-sized, and... I've been resting my brain. So much so that I'm actually taking in my first episode of Gossip Girl ever while typing this. For a show known for its smut factor, I must say that I am unimpressed.

Part of the problem with this summer, though, has been the fact that I apparently can't read as fast as I used to. Some might suggest this might be the result of not choosing books that aren't really compelling... or even *gasp* bad, but really, that's not the case. I mean, maybe A Pint of Plain: Tradition, Change, and the Fate of the Irish Pub was a rather leisurely read... and I really loved Big Sur! Maybe even more than The Dharma Bums or On The Road... I even managed to drop about 90 pages of it when I had a layover in the Detroit airport at five o'freakin' clock in the morning.

(I would just like to interject that the kid who plays (I think) Blake Lively's little brother played an internet baby raper on SVU... this will eternally amuse me)

So what's the problem then? Has school killed my ability to read for pleasure? Or is this just another symptom of my inability to focus? For example, I should be (re)teaching myself German, and yet, I'm only on Kapitel 3 of Jannach's German For Reading Knowledge. Which I purchased in June. Who knows. I bought Julie & Julia because the book cover claimed that Julie Powell is "profane" (comme moi) and "the Chris Rock of cooking." Perhaps that will allow me to pick up the pace? Or just... eat a lot. We'll see.

(Two final observations: 1) Every time I hear Kristen Bell as the voice of Gossip Girl, I am happy. They should have just never cancelled Veronica Mars. 2) Every time they run a commercial for the re-vamp of Melrose Place, I am conflicted; as much as I would love to see Sydney unleash her special brand of crazy on a group of far-too-beautiful unknowns, I... fear that the CW is not going to get lucky twice with re-vamps.)

This show is inane; I can believe everybody in my program watches it. On to more ER.

Electric eyes are everywhere

2009-07-07T12:59:00.006-04:00

A Michael Jackson commentary of some sort has been requested, and as such, I have chosen to live-blog the funeral. I will attempt to be on my best behavior.

Also, I turned on Ch. 5 as a reflex thinking, "Oh, ABC should be safe until NBC starts their coverage." Except... Ch. 5 on NYC cable is Fox. I only just realized that I've been watching Fox News for the last 20 minutes. On that note, it's funny to hear Fox News people attempt to talk about race politics.

Annnnnnnd hello, Brian Williams. Lester. Good day.

That crowd is insane. I feel like this is less a reflection on who MJ is as an artist and legend and more of the kind of person who becomes a die-hard Michael Jackson fan. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

Oh man, Lester... "the last time I saw coverage of this magnitude was when they selected a new pope." Oh mannnnn, way to qualify for about five minutes just to say that one sentence...

Has it REALLY been almost two weeks since he died?!? Wow, time flies when you're... in New Jersey? I don't know.

They keep mentioning how there are so many really young people in the audience. I clearly lived under a rock under I was 12 years old and discovered Alanis Morisette.

(the actual event has started)
SMOKEY. It appears as if he is reading condolences sent from others. I'm ok with that. Diana Ross, Nelson Mandela. All better when Smokied up.

(there is some sort of lull. they're talking about the program attendees received--those will undoubtedly go for colossal amounts of money on eBay...)

Oooh pretty gospel music as they're bringing the casket up onto the stage.
Another lull. But finally, the rowdy fans come out.

Pastor Lucius Smith out to talk. I like this fellow; he seems very good at saying appropriate things in a spiritual manner befitting a funeral without overstating.

Here comes Mariah. (this is where it becomes increasingly hard for me to behave)
I hope that people are kind enough to suggest that she sounds like shit because she was overcome with grief for Michael. Also, her dress is... questionable at best, and she looks like she's swatting flies to find the correct pitches, which I don't ever remember her doing before.

Ooooh Queen Latifah! With words from Maya Angelou!!! Or, more accurately, a poem. A daaaaamn good poem.

Lionel Ritchie. He sounds good; some kind of religious song.
Random note: I like how the casket is between the stage and the audience under a spotlight. There are indubitably all sorts of symbolic things I could read into that, but I won't do that here.

Berry Gordy, founder of Motown Records. Ohhhhh don't cry, Berry... Please don't. Annnd now he's on a roll... *sputters* "The more I think about it, King of Pop isn't enough. I think he is simply... the greatest entertainer that ever lived."

Some kind of video montage... I imagine this is preceding Usher, or someone of comparable dance ability. Oh, wrong, Stevie Wonder. He seems really distraught, which automatically renders him the most sincere in my book.
Now, I have never been a Stevie fan (in fact, almost anti-Stevie in some respects...) but this is really beautiful. I'm not sure what the song is actually called.

Kobe and Shaq? haha. Awesome. NO! It's Kobe and MAGIC!!!!! AWESOME. I don't know if L.A. can handle seeing Kobe cry. Oh Magic... Oh this is terrible, haha, this would be the part where I start to cry.

Uh oh... Here's Jennifer Hudson! The part that I've been waiting for! She looks beautiful :) but I was expecting something more from her...

Al Sharpton, on his best behavior, I presume. In the interests of full disclosure, I was running back and forth from the kitchen attempting to make lunch because I have to leave here at 3:15, but what I heard of Al was pretty good.

JOHN MAYER. Looking clean and like an adult. I like it. Oooh Human Nature. I don't really like that John Mayer's not singing. It's not like he CAN'T sing well enough...
(Not that I didn't notice this earlier in the ceremony, but I would just like to say that the Jackson brothers look RIDICULOUS, but I love it. And I love the yellow ties!)

Brooke Shields. The first person to cry noticeably. I wasn't expecting her eulogy to be the best... but it's the most like one at a normal funeral, and I almost feel like he would have appreciated that more. Awwwwww The Little Prince! How oddly appropriate...
Jermaine Jackson singing "Smile" (written by Charlie Chaplin), which was apparently MJ's favorite song... I like it.

MLK's kids. I think he would be proud of them, which is maybe the best thing you could say about someone...
Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee (Houston, TX) on behalf of the Congressional Black Caucus. I'm sure there are all sorts of Congress-people thrilled that she just proclaimed that we are all innocent until proven guilty. Otherwise, I would probably appreciate her speech.

Ok, so I have to go now since I'm going into NYC to see a play (Blithe Spirit with Angela Lansbury), but I leave you with this:

Usher, please don't fuck up.

Also, although I admit to sometimes wondering how appropriate it is to compare Michael Jackson to Elvis (which is mostly (probably) just because I'm me), I think a significant argument could be made for his comparative legend status based on how many really decent people are coming out to either make statements or sing or do whatever in his memory.

I've got a bad case...

2009-06-30T20:41:00.005-04:00

Well, I admittedly dropped off the face of the planet. Being in Ohio means dial-up internet and with my acute lack of patience, it makes it difficult to keep up with interwebs activity. Not that I cared much-- with the commencement of summer vacation came an addiction to the TV series ER, procured via Netflix, of which I have yet to rid myself.

This all started when I watched George Clooney's return to ER this season and decided I wanted to know more; I somehow almost wholly missed the ER craze. I saw a quite a few episodes from the Clooney years after it became syndicated, and I, of course, knew all of the major plot developments because I'd rush home from school to see Rosie O'Donnell and she inevitably interviewed all of the show's stars on a semi-regular basis. However, I decided to see for myself.

Currently, I am finishing up the 6th season and am madly in love with Dr. Kovac. Instead of writing an actual post, I am just going to ask a question:

To those of you who watched ER, either regularly or not, who was your favorite doctor/nurse and why?

I'm sure I'll have more to say when I either a) finish all 15 seasons or b) have a significantly less boring life.

American Idol Live-Blogging: Top 3

2009-05-12T20:01:00.004-04:00

Well, now that my semester is over, I have little else to do besides sit on my ass, curse the Indians, and live-blog TV singing contests... Bully for you all. However, it appears I have an injury that may mean I hit the disabled list before the show's over (my right thumb/wrist/years old injury hurts like a mother). Now that Matty G's out, I have barely any loyalty to these people.

Danny--Paula's pick "Dance Little Sister" (Terrence Trent D'Arby)
Fuck, if he's still here next week, it'll be Paula's fault. . .
OMG DID KARA REALLY JUST SAY MONEY SPOT
My ice cream is more interesting than Danny Gokey. Raspberry Chip Royale, in case anyone's keeping track

Kris--Kara and Randy's pick "Apologize" (OneRepublic)
Holy shit! is his fingernail painted blue! I knew I liked him.
I kind of like this song. . . .And he sounds good.
I like that they made him be sad. Because his "Jesus loves the little children, and I want to be just like Jason Mraz post-Zen and raw foods craze" thing was what was killing it for me. . .
Why is Kara being a huge cunt tonight? Why. . . are all of them being huge cunts?
I hope that when they fire Kara this is the clip they play back.
AND I like Kris the best of the last three because he knows how to keep his goddamn mouth shut.

Adam--Simon's pick "One" (U2)
Fuck. This is my favorite U2 song (lyrically, anyway)
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Mary J. Blige and Johnny Cash's very very different versions are both infinitely better than this.
With his hair cut shorter, he looks like a big, gay elf (pointy ears).
As if we ever wondered if the judges conspire to elevate a contestant. Like seriously. It's not like I think it was bad. . . but it was maybe his least inspired performance of the entire season.

Danny (Round 2): "You Are So Beautiful" (Joe Cocker)
*gag* You know it's a bad sign when my first thought is "John Belushi did it better."
Kara's got that "I'm a cunt and I know it" look on her face again.

Kris (Round 2): "Heartless" (Kanye West)
This is either going to be terrible or brilliant. No in-between. Either way, Kris apparently thought this was R&B week.
I doubt if Simon will like this. . . but I think it's pretty good. . . or at least ballsy. Which, at this point, is a quality it's nice to see from someone who's not named Adam Lambert.
Randy is a blasphemer, Kara's a dumb bitch, Simon is wonderful.

Adam (Round 2): "Cryin'" (Aerosmith)
Ay carumba.
Grrrrrr. Bad arrangement.
Wouldn't it be funny if it were Danny and Kris in the final and not Adam?
I would laugh. A LOT.
I may or may not already be voting for Kris.
I'm so glad this show is almost over. . . I can't deal with this much longer.

Answer my weary query, Timothy Leary dearie...

2009-05-12T01:54:00.009-04:00

So, last night, Karen and I saw Hair on Broadway. It was mostly WOW with a little side of ehh (re: Gavin Creel)... I'm still organizing my primary thoughts, so I may edit this post later with an actual review.

However, I was dicking around on Amazon trying to figure out if they're going to release a cast recording (which they never do these days unless it is assured to make an exorbitant amount of money)... and I found this quote in their capsule review of the movie soundtrack:

"If nothing else, the CD is a glorious reminder of a time when social awareness, brotherly love, and mind expansion were mantras, not marketing rhetoric on the sides of soda bottles."

Last night, although truly amazed at the quality of the production and amused by how heavily they let contemporary social problems influence their actions... I kept having to repress my feelings that the whole thing was that special kind of synthetic hippie crap manufactured and sold to the highest bidder these days... Perhaps I am too jaded because of the appropriation of RENT by the ill-educated masses... Or perhaps because of my utter confusion at how quickly Spring Awakening closed.

But again, that's not any reflection of its quality as a piece of musical theater (especially a piece of musical theater that absolutely has the capability to revitalize Broadway as an institution. . . perhaps to even RENT-like proportions). . . and I'm certainly very glad I bought my ticket before it got nominated for 11 Tonys and the most heavily discounted tickets started going for $85 without all those damn fees.

I just have lots of thoughts.

On a sinking ship

2009-05-02T21:27:00.007-04:00

Now, like any good Indians fan, I am willing to state that if Matt LaPorta can save us from ignominious failure, he should absolutely be playing in the Big Leagues.

However, this makes me want to retch up the chocolate chip cookies I just ate. Thanks for that, Twitter.

Go to http://twitter.com/Gator4God for more vomit-inducing platitudes. And trust me there are plennnnty more.

This makes me glad that none of the rest of the actual Indians have Twitters. At least now the only reasons they give me to hate them are their low batting averages or high ERAs. If any of them had Twitters, I could potentially hate them for their social views or their illiteracy or numerous other things that I judge people on for shits and giggles. I highly doubt that all my boys would be as awesome as Steve Nash, with all his High Fidelity-esque Top 5 lists. It's a shame I don't have any personal stake in Steve Nash as a person or a player.

EDIT, 11:39pm: And a shout-out to Meena for introducing me to Steve Nash's Twitter.

Cotton Candy and a Rotten Mouth

2009-04-30T20:21:00.007-04:00

This is the cutest baseball picture ever. Like, I can't stand it. It's from after Tuesday's game when the Indians did that rare thing that we in the trade call "win," through yet another instance that leads me to the conclusion that Asdrubal Cabrera is the luckiest man in baseball.

However, that is not why I'm posting.

I'm kind of entranced by this article, entitled "Sipp Hopes to Give Back to Gulf Coast" and focusing on what I hope is [legitimately] the Indians' next big thing, relief pitcher Tony Sipp.

I am impressed for these reasons:

1) I did not realize that Sipp was only 25. If these last three appearances since being called up from Columbus (3 innings, 1 walk, 6 strikeouts, 0.00 ERA) are for real, hot DAMN he's got some kind of level head on his shoulders.

2) I read an article in Sports Illustrated last year about how the number of African-American Major League Baseball players is becoming smaller and smaller, even considering the inner city baseball programs that have been championed in recent years. Now, I'd say that this phenomenon is fairly obvious from the number of players on any given team that cannot speak English and maybe kind of tragic considering how many of the names in the record books belong to African-American players. I read articles like the one on Tony Sipp, and I get all weepy-eyed thinking about how much he could really achieve.

and finally, 3) this quote, for those of you with no desire to actually read the article:

"I am, by far, not the best athlete to come out of my town," Sipp said. "Some guys are really good athletes but can't make the grades to go to a D-I school in football. Or they get caught with some kind of drug. I don't know what they're doing, letting something crazy set them back. Whatever name I do make for myself, hopefully I can use it to help somebody else not make those mistakes."

Good stuff. I'd even be willing to let his ERA rise a few points ;-)

American Idol Live-Blogging: Rat Pack Edition

2009-04-28T20:02:00.003-04:00

This will undoubtedly be a minimally-invasive Live Blogging session, as I am trying to watch Idol, watch the Indians game, and eat dinner at the same time.

My condolences to Kate on losing Anoop. . . I too hope you will meet and have brown babies together.

Rat Pack Night would seem like a terrifying propect if I didn't at least minimally like all the contestants that are left.

I hate Jamie Foxx though, this could be a problem.

Kris Allen--"The Way You Look Tonight"
Christ, he is uncool and white.
Oh, this is gonna keep him safe. . . It's not special, but it's him and he looks cute.
It's a solid song choice, which is exceptional for him
(this Indians game is making my head implode)
I'm gonna pass on a racial comment vis-a-vis Kara's "dark horse" statement.
Cheers, Simon. But wet? What? *giggles immaturely*
Kris wins for not talking back. That, is an excellent move, Sir.

Allison Iraheta--"Someone to Watch Over Me"
Awwww, somebody wooks wike a wittle grown-up!
I can't say I honestly think this is going to keep her in the competition. Like. . . I don't believe that she needs someone to watch over her because she kind of just sounds exactly like her little BAMF self.
"I thought this was gonna be hard for a lot of people." --Randy Jackson
Ok, so. . . here's the thing. . . if you want to be a singer known for your vocal skills, and you can't sing these standards, you should probably just quit.
I don't know that George Gershwin would approve of this.
I don't know that these people know who George Gershwin is.
I'm angry, the Indians are losing.
Cheers, Simon. Again.
I'm waiting for him to up and tell Kara where she can stick it.

Matt Giraud--"My Funny Valentine"
Oh, BABY! Haha, I love this song!!!
Why you gotta wear that damn fool hat?
So, does playing a person in a movie automatically make you an authority on whatever it is they did? Like, is Robert Downey Jr. now a comedy genius because he played Charlie Chaplin? Speaking of Robert Downey, Jr., I feel like this is a lameass publicity stunt for The Soloist.
This is epic. I hope people who don't love him as much as I do think so too.
I wish the Indians game were epic toooooooo.
OHHHH SNAP! Greaaaaaat finish!
He looks so scared. . . haha.
I think Kara is a stone-hearted bitch. Perhaps that's why she didn't feel emotion.
I hate it when I agree with Paula. YES YES SIMON YES!!!!!!
OH SIMON!!! I love it :)
Three's my lucky number ;-)

Danny Gokey--"Come Rain or Come Shine"
I like this song A LOT too.
Trombone for the winnnn!
It's highly doubtful that Danny has every heard the very first version of this song. . . but his version sounds like jazzy cabaret horseshit in comparison.
Ha! Jhonny Peralta just got hit by a pitch! HA!
I want Danny gone. The end with the scatting and the dialogue with the instruments = epic fail.
. . . I have never been more convinced in my life that the judges are deaf. Or that the winner isn't already predestined.
This guy ain't got shit on Frank Sinatra Rat Pack "swagger," HA.
THAT'S NOT CREATIVE. ANYONE WHO'S EVER HEARD A GODDAMN JAZZ VOCAL COULD HAVE DONE THAT.
The Indians just scored and my mood is not improving. Bad sign.
Again, Simon, I will give you that. It was better. Which is more a reflection of how dreadful he's been in the past few weeks.

INDIANS TIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!! 7-7!
It's only the third inning. . .haha.
Ben Francisco has a funny-shaped head.

Adam Lambert--"Feeling Good"
I. . . don't recognize this song.
Did Adam. . . completely miss the Rat Pack memo? haha.
Not that I would expect masculine swagger to be up his alley.
This is about what I expected. Except that he looks like a douche in the white suit.
EDIT 4/29: Upon further examination, I do know this song, Adam just mangled it beyoud recognition. I mean mangled in a good way. . . this probably ranks 2nd after Mad World for my favorites of his performances.

Ciao. Voting.

American Idol Live-Blogging: Disco Edition

2009-04-21T20:02:00.003-04:00

Subtitle: For Meena.

Matty needs to BRING IT this week. I have an embarassingly expansive knowledge of disco, which always makes this theme night interesting.

Lil Rounds--"I'm Every Woman"
Already bad. Does she even know who Chaka Khan is? I can barely hear her sing.
I also don't consider this disco.
Thumbs down.
She should have rocked Disco week, it's made for divas.
Maybe. . . it's not that she's not showing herself as an artist, it's that she's actually really bad at this.
I think Kara's gonna make Lil cry, this show's already off to a good start.
Shut up, Lil.

Kris Allen--"She Works Hard For the Money"
. . . why. . . is he not dressed for disco? That's disappointing.
I am utterly perplexed by this song choice. Because I always thought it was about a hooker. And he is a youth minister.
This is odd, but not unpleasant. Kind of Mraz-y.
He deserves to stay. And, unfortunately, he's starting to grow on me. . .

Danny Gokey--"September"
Finally, uptempo Danny is back.
I don't like it though. I miss the falsetto on this
He's so ragingly awkward on stage. . .
I don't even have anything to say to try to be funny.
All I have is: "Bleh."
This woman of age 22 does NOT agree, Paula.
This woman of age 22 agrees with Simon.

Allison Iraheta--"Hot Stuff"
Donna Summer is. . . so lame. Doesn't anyone know there are other disco songs?
Allison looks like a mini-carrot-topped disco ball. It's cute.
This is pretty BAMF, even considering how terrible the song kind of is.
What kind of bizarro world is this when Randy's becoming my favorite judge?

Adam Lambert--"If I Can't Have You"
OH MY GOD! I love this song!
Annnd Adam looks human. . .
I think he's kind of changing the way the original was meant. . . his sounds pleady and the original (by Yvonne Elliman, in case anyone's keeping track) sounds more desperate.
Not that it's bad. I'm impressed.
I think Kara's aphasic.
He's fascinating, brilliant, and awesome, but I wouldn't buy his record.
I think Simon just made a gay joke, and Adam looks a little pissed.

Matt Giraud--"Stayin' Alive"
Totally called it. Toooootally called it.
He missed a word. And I still hate the hat.
If he goes home, I think he can be satisfied that he gave his best. Because this is definitely stronger than last week or the week he sang the Fray's song.
I cannot comment critically on him because even if he were horrible I'd be spending the next hour voting for him.
I like that they're being nice to him. I hope that means he can stay.
Yup, Simon, this is bizarro world, and Randy's my favorite judge now.

Anoop Desai--". . .I don't know what the hell this was
This is quite possibly the least disco outfit/performance ever.
That's all I got, go home.
Oh, I lied. Dawg needs to shave.

Ciao. Voting for Matt.

You're the only song I want to hear.

2009-04-17T16:45:00.006-04:00

Today was the most frustrating baseball game I've seen in a long time. And not because we lost. I have moved to a Zen place beyond being frustrated by mere losing. Such is the life of a Cleveland Indians fan. It is also the prerogative of the Cleveland Indians fan to be so peeved about the superfluous shots of everything except the action happening between the pitcher and the batter that she starts streaming the Cleveland radio broadcast on her computer and mutes the TV. Because Cleveland Indians fans, unlike the fans of some other teams, appreciate baseball more than capitalism. But I suppose that's another rant for another day.

Here are the lowlights:

The Yankees hit five solo home runs. Three off starter Anthony Reyes, one off Zach Jackson, and one off Jensen Lewis. The final score was 6-5 (the 6th run came when the Not-So-Incredible Vinnie Chulk made a throwing error, grrrrrr.), so this is certainly peculiar. The more peculiar part of this is that the five Yankee home runs, in addition to the one Mark DeRosa, aka "Rosie" in my lingo, hit in the first inning, all went to exactly the same part of the Stadium. Now Rosie's was a little closer to center, and a couple of the Yanks' were in the second deck. . .but like. . . that W.B. Mason sign on the right field wall must have some sort of baseball attracting spell on it. . . I really hope this isn't a sign that the new Yankee Stadium is a shooting gallery like the Rangers' stadium.
I'm pretty sure that I'd be complaining about this if I were a Yankee fan too (well, a Yankee fan who prefers baseball objectivity and is upset about the impurities creeping into the game), but the last at-bat was atrocious. 2 on, 2 out, Rosie's up, Rivera's the pitcher. Now, Rivera throws the first two pitches for strikes. At least one of these is debatable, and Rosie gets pissed. The next three pitches are balls, and one of these was exactly the same pitch (in my YES network watching eyes, and in the eyes of the Cleveland commentators I'm listening to) as the second pitch that the Ump had called a strike. Rivera and Molina, the catcher, get pissed. Clearly, this is a problem. The count is 3-2, Rivera throws. . . and the ball is high? Oh, wait, no. Apparently a pitch at shoulder level that Rosie didn't swing at is a strike. Game over. Rosie "has words" with the umpire and throws his helmet. Nowww I'm not expecting Yankee fans to complain, but it's kind of problematic when the hitter and the pitcher are equally pissed--both of whom, in my humble opinion, are respectable team player types that don't get riled up if there is no reason. I like Rivera, this isn't on him at all, he deserves all the respect in the world, not only for being the best closer in the history of the game but also because of his BAMF "Enter Sandman" jaunt from the bullpen. I just wish that MLB would hire umpires that aren't blind because this wasn't the only time wrong calls were made, just the most consequential. *sigh*
The Yankees, even though they won today, are positively geriatric. I'm not sure what the deal is, but it'll only get worse when A-Rod comes back. Damon can't throw. . . or run. Matsui's broken. Pettitte's lucky the Yankees even took him back at all. It'll be a miracle if Posada's 38-year-old shoulder lasts the season. Rivera is 39, and you can't really tell. . . but it'll be heartbreaking for everyone if the time comes when you can. And Jeter, well, he's a good man. He's still got great baseball sense, but his fielding isn't what it used to be. It's a little odd to think of these things--and they mentioned during yesterday's game that his MLB debut came at the Jake in 1995 against Dennis Martinez. It's very possible that I was watching that game and didn't have any clue at the time how important it would be.
Joba Chamberlin is the luckiest sonofabitch on the planet. Pitches EVERYWHERE, all over the place, I swear I heard the words "almost hit him" about fifteen times over the course of his five innings even though he only walked about five people, I think. Lucky.

Highlights:

Well, because of their abundance of money, the YES network has cameras all over the place. So close that you can read Wedge's lips in the dugout when he's bitching out the Umpire (the same one from above), that you can see Nick Swisher yell, "FUCK!," at the top of his lungs when he fails to drive in a run, and that they close-up on sad-face Grady Sizemore when he preceded Rosie's atrocious at-bat with a strikeout. This, in spite of the fact of the sad-face, made my game. Because, clearly, I am still female. . .
Also in the vein of Zen Indians fandom, I cannot begin to say how pleased I am with my Asdrubal for the first week and a half of the season. He is drawing walks like crazy (two in this game), his batting average is far from the gutter, and he's getting hits/walks at times when Grady can follow him up and advance him further. He's stealing bases and more generally running the bases with his eyes open. AND he's still dynamite in the field. THIS is the Asdrubal Cabrera I've been waiting for.

American Idol Live-Blogging: Movie Edition

2009-04-14T20:06:00.005-04:00

Um. . . Quentin Tarantino (henceforth abbreviated QT) on Family television. God help us. I forgot though, when I saw the theme for this week, that he had previously been a judge. . . and was actually really good/insightful for someone who's not a musician.

Allison Iraheta "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing"
Mmmmm I love this song.
Mmmmm the "Hot Topic chic" look is wearing a little thin for me, but I like what she's doing to this song-- it doesn't sound at all like the Aerosmith version, but in a good way.
Oh and maybe now in a not-so-good way. . .
Uhhhhh. . .*sigh*
I hope my boy does better.
Paula. . . is crazy. "Special Sauce" is a) part of the name of a jam band and b) a fucking weird thing to say to a 16-year-old.
Simon. . . says nice things. Not about her performance, necessarily, but about her.

(I like that they told the judges to be judicious with their words. . . because. . . they're stupid)
(Tonight. . . should be interesting, because I've got the Indians game playing on my computer and American Idol (followed by Fringe) on the telly)

Anoop "Everything I Do"
Yup, if this doesn't kill me, nothing will.
I fucking hate this sappy sappy sappy terrible song.
QT. . . I like your metaphoric tips.
Anoop, dearie, you sound like you're asleep on your feet. On stage.
I . . . am done with you. Although, props to you for taking QT's criticism and not fucking it up.
Me too, Randy, me too. Annnnnnd false. In tune? That's all we have to be these days? I can fucking do that. Apparently, the fact that I can get 100% on "Go Your Own Way" on Rock Band on Hard makes me a candidate for American Idol.
Shut up, Kara.
And Anoop. . . what the hell are you wearing?

Adam Lambert "Born to Be Wild"
I am scared. Not in that "kill my favorite songs" kind of way, in that "I want to cower in the corner and cry" kind of way.
And now, officially, Adam looks exactly like Pete Wentz.
I . . . just don't like this.
It's not bad, per se, just erratic. . . and maybe more pedestrian than we are used to from Mr. Lambert.
Ok, so, still kind of rock star.
Paula's drunk. Drunkity drunk drunk. Clearly, she forgot to remove her custom-made sparkly straightjacket before leaving the home tonight. . .
THUMBS UP, SIMON! Although I think Adam might still need someone to make him a man. . .

(Indians update: Fuck you, Jhonny Peralta and your inability to get a hit with two outs)

My love *cough* I meeeeean. . .
Matt Giraud "Have You Ever Loved A Woman"
WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS SING THESE GODDAMN BRYAN ADAMS SONGS
THEY'RE FUCKING TERRIBLE.
*deep breath*
At least he picked the one that doesn't make me want to cut my eyes out with a spoon.
And he looks smokin' hot.
I like that he's not exactly trying to sing it like a power ballad.
Thumbs up.
Interesting? . . . why is the cookie cutter brown kid getting more love than the guy who tries to be original?
Kara, the song is not that great. You are deaf.
I like the look that Matty makes when the judges are giving advice, like he's thinking soooo hard and wants to make sure none of the things they say exit his brain.

Danny Gokey "Endless Love"
Wow, this is the manliest song ever written. *gags*
Ah ha, he's telling him how to act. Interesting.
My urge to punch Danny in the face only grows stronger with each week.
He sounds like he aspires to be the next Bryan Adams (see the above comments in ALL CAPS. . .)
Thumbs down.
Simon is a winner. Always.
I don't care if the song means a lot to him, I don't care if his wife died, I care that this is the kind of music he would put out into the world. It is not 1982. This makes me want to vomit.

In the interests of full disclosure, I should say that my head hurts, and that has rendered me crabby. However, the Indians are not losing. Yet.

Kris Allen "Falling Slowly"
I'm going to cry. If he fucks this up. Because I love this song. And this movie.
Already bad. I hope Glen Hansard gets the IRA to put a hit out on his dumb ass.
THOSE ARE NOT THE NOTES IN THE SONG.
He just sounds shrill, and more like he's in pain than in love.
This is not AT ALL ameliorating my headache.
Thank you, Randy. I agree.
Dear Kara, that is not an obscure song. Go fuck yourself. It won an Oscar, something you never will.

Lil Rounds "The Rose"
*sigh* I guess this is better than Bryan Adams
Ah, I see, she's going for the rocker Bette Midler look instead of the aging diva look. Wise choice.
I thought gospel music was supposed to uplift you.
Yuck. I think it's time for Lil to go.
Even her family doesn't look excited.
Paula, was there criticism in there?
Woooooo, Simon!
Oh, Lil, you're talking. You're dead to me.
I hate it when contestants talk back. Hate. It.
No one cares what you think. No one cares what the judges think, and they're "professionals." What makes you think they care what you think.

--------
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cast 3,000 votes for my Matty.

I hate Jhonny Peralta: 2009 Edition

2009-04-14T16:49:00.009-04:00

This is what my away message currently reads:

This is why (among other reasons):
Last night, 9th inning, 4-2 Kansas City over Cleveland.
Two outs (Victor Martinez who went 3 for 5 last night and is therefore pardoned for failing this once, and Travis Hafner who had a bad night all over), two on . . .
Meaning. . .a single . . . to the right place . . . with people as fast as Grady and Choo on base . . . ties the game. *takes deep breath*
What does Mr. Peralta do? Strikes out. Not for the first time that game or, by far, this season.

This is one of the headlines on the main frame of the Indians website:

"Wins, not homers, Peralta's primary focus."
The caption reads that he is "providing pop from his shortstop spot."

Is this some kind of sick joke? Do the people who write this shit not actually watch the games? I appreciate that his focus is wins BUT CLEARLY IT'S NOT WORKING. There is no pop, unless we are talking about a can of pop that is shaken and only explodes when you're dressed up for a special occasion.

Jhonny Peralta, you best watch yo-self.
(because apparently, like some people I know, I "get a little hood" when I get angry.)

And though I wear a shirt and tie:

2009-04-10T16:39:00.008-04:00

Now. . .I don't want you all to hold this against my parents, haha. I can tell you for a fact that this card was a free "thank you" gift type thing from one of the random charities to which my dad donates because, while the rest of the world donates to places like St. Jude's and the March of Dimes, my father donates to Native American children's charities. And I tease him about this on a regular basis with all sorts of racially insensitive jokes that I don't particularly want associated with my name on the internet.

And I'm very thankful to be 22 years old and still get a card with money and a message from my mom that says, "Here is a little something for you to fill your Easter basket," even if she totally grabbed the only appropriate card in the house that happened to be one of my dad's random handouts . . .

Even so . . . what the hell is this:

Uhhhhhhh. Inside there is a Bible quote:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead." 1 Peter 1:3

And the main text reads:

"May the glory and true spirit of Easter bring you great happiness."

Ok, so, I realize that there's probably a significant portion of Native Americans who have adopted Christianity as their main religion since we took their land and gave them modern and terrible diseases (and also, incidentally. . .*ahem* introduced them to Christianity. . .but I won't go into my feelings on that here). I looked up the school whose name is on the back of the card, and I guess it's some kind of Indian Catholic school in Montana.

But this card is RIDICULOUS.

Like. . . is "true spirit" supposed to be some Christian perversion of Native American religions? And why is a school constructed around the premise of bettering Native American children so that they have more choices later in life sending out a card of ANY SORT to its supporters that has the most stereotypical representations possible of the people that they're trying to teach to OVERCOME those stereotypes? And what the hell is that little white church sitting on the little hill? It looks like the church in Little House on the Prairie. You know, that show. . . about the WHITE family. . . where there were INDIANS that were considered SAVAGE?

How. . . did this school not see a problem with this? It makes my brain hurt.

Will Funny People be as good as it looks?

2009-04-05T17:39:00.006-04:00

Here is the trailer for the upcoming movie Funny People, starring Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen:

I saw it for the first time this morning when I saw I Love You, Man, which was pretty good in the way that Paul Rudd and Jason Segel have the most peculiar abilities to do exactly the right thing at exactly the right time. Always. But that's not what I'm here to talk about.

One of the things about the Funny People trailer that I found most fascinating (next to the fact that it looks good, really really good) is Judd Apatow's use of his wife, Leslie Mann, who plays the woman with who Adam Sandler's character is in love. Incidentally, those are also Apatow and Mann's little girls in the dinner scene. Too cute. Anyway. . .

This interested me because I've frequently heard Apatow criticized for creating one-dimensional female characters (i.e. people, notably Katharine Heigl herself (stupid bitch), criticized him for making her character in Knocked Up a terrible shrew while Rogen & Co. get to continue to have irresponsible fun). This is not something I buy into for various reasons, but in the case of Leslie Mann, it seems clear that Apatow elevates these female characters above and beyond the usual stock of shrewish and/or stupid and/or ugly female characters that other comedy directors offer up. Even when she is at her most appalling, as the drunk lady in The 40-Year Old Virgin, she is still the idealized woman. In Freaks and Geeks (the episode where Bill has an allergic reaction and is hospitalized), she played the angelic and caring teacher that the geeks fantasized about. In Knocked Up, her character is definitely and obviously flawed, but in the end, she's the wife and mother that Katharine Heigl's character aspires to be (and the Apatow children are again used to fill out the family scenes).*

It appears that, in Funny People, she is again this ideal. The beautiful, intelligent woman who remains the object of the slovenly comedian's affections long after she has moved on to another man. This is perhaps the sanest of her Apatow characters, and it serves her well. I'm sure that there'll be some Feminazi critic (and I like to think that I can accuse people of this because I tend to be sensitive to (and plan to make a living analyzing) issues of gender) that will say that Mann's character is again a stereotype because she's a kind of damsel-in-distress, a girl that Adam Sandler's character thinks he needs "to save." I don't think so. Perhaps this is just Apatow in a post-Heiglian world, but the scene in the trailer where Sandler uses the words "to save" includes Rogen's rebuttal: her life seems perfect, why does she need saving? But clearly, she is not happy, and Sandler's belief that he can make her happy is good-natured. The next scene then is her fighting with her husband (and props to Eric Bana for agreeing to play a huge tool, haha) and clearly winning said fight. In Funny People, Leslie Mann may be in distress, but she is certainly not aimlessly waiting for a prince to save her.

Perhaps this is all just naive speculation on my part, and perhaps, when Funny People comes out in July, I'll have to write a retraction stating exactly how I fucked up in this post. However, I think there is something really endearing about Apatow's clear affection for his wife. He could have cast any number of actresses in any of these parts. There are maybe women who are more well-known and maybe even funnier (although I doubt it). But it's always Leslie Mann, and she is really really wonderful.

(Just a final note, well, except for the note that hopefully you read at the asterisk before: I think what makes me happiest about this movie is the fact that Adam Sandler is being the good Adam Sandler, like Robbie in The Wedding Singer or his characters in Spanglish or Punch-Drunk Love, neither of which I ever got around to seeing. Or even Billy Madison, who was a sweetheart under all of his idiocy. I really like Adam Sandler, I always have--I have a feeling that the Sandler/Apatow/Rogen triumvirate will be unstoppable. And how perfect is it that he is the aging comedian that Rogen looks up to? Rogen is, after all, still only 26 to Sandler's 43. He would have been 13 when Billy Madison came out.)

*In an article in New York Magazine, they asked Apatow about accusations of sexism which also applied to Mann's character, and he replied, "I think the characters are sexist at times . . .but it's really about immature people who are afraid of women and relationships and learn to grow up. If people say that the characters are sexist, I say, yeah, that's what I was going for in the first part of the movie, and then they change." This spotlights quite easily one of my problems with most people who consider themselves feminists and make a living off of it. Judd Apatow is trying to make a movie from one point of view--that of the 20-something male slacker. The 20-something male slacker (and even the 20-something regular male *sigh*) is most likely going to be at least partially sexist. The movie succeeds quite readily in portraying this viewpoint, and the characters do change substantially at the end, with both Rogen's character taking responsibility and Mann and Heigl's characters learning that they, in their "shrewish" ways can't expect their partners to be perfect.

American Idol Live-Blogging: Motown Edition

2009-03-25T20:18:00.005-04:00

More American Idol live-blogging.

Requested after the first performance, so we shall settle with Matt Giraud AHHHHHHH I LOVE YOU. And continue.

Kris--"How Sweet It Is"
How Sweet It Is. . .with "It" clearly not referring to him. . .
*Looks for barf bag*
I will admit that I cannot tolerate this song on a regular basis. It does not help that I hate Kris. The only exception is James Taylor, because he is a god among men.
Shut up, Kara.
You too, Paula.
I'm still pissed this asshat thinks "To Make You Feel My Love" is a country song.
"To be a star, you've got to be conceited." Dear Simon, I love you.
Dude, Kris must be a midget because he is shorter than Little Man Seacrest.

Scott--"You Can't Hurry Love"
. . .Why are you wearing pink pants?
OH HELL NO. . .You can't kill one of the few non-Temptations Motown songs I can still deal with. . .
And yet, he's rocking out as hard as a blind kid chained to a piano can. . .interesting.
Nice try, but thumbs down.
Dear Simon, see you at the bar? I still love you.
Randy, stop being positively negative.
Shut up, Kara.
HAHAHA He didn't know his pants were pink!!!

Megan Joy--"For Once In My Life"
"You are so different, I like that." No Megan, I don't think he actually likes that. . .
I am thoroughly convinced that this girl is tone deaf. She sounded great in the clip, and now she sounds fucking terrible.
I can't. . .listen to this. . .anymore.
*mutes*
Oh?! They're getting these comments right?! Even Kara!
Dear Paula, I can't even begin to process her stunning beauty because her tattoo covers almost as much surface area as her dress.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH SIMON MADE HER CRY.

Anoop--"Ooh Baby Baby"
Brave man, singing a Smokey song. Brave, brave man.
I really like you, Anoop, because you seem so much more intelligent than everyone else in the competition.
Not terribly exciting, but pretty decent.
So these judges take turns giving insightful critiques? wtf.
Did Randy's children make his jewelry or did it cost $3000? I vote for the former.

Michael Sarver--"Ain't Too Proud To Beg"
I'm going to paste in the IMs I just sent to Amy:

x Murrry x (9:05:49 PM): OH HELL NO

x Murrry x (9:05:56 PM): THIS IS MY FAVORITE TEMPTATIONS SONG

x Murrry x (9:06:01 PM): BACK THE FUCK UP, SON

He doesn't need to channel his soul roots, he needs to snort some coke off a hooker's back and channel David Ruffin.
This is. . .bad. He doesn't sound desperate at all.
oooooooo Paula's being meeeeeean
Shut the hell up, audience. Simon's right.
Oh Randy. Half wrong, half very right.
I like that this fellow is so nice. I hope Megan gets the boot, and he stays another week.

Lil Rounds--"Heat Wave"
If she fails this week. . . she's done. I like it, however, when these young assholes are appreciative of their predecessors. Who were also much more talents.
What died on your head?
hahahahahha, they just panned to Kara and she looks ill. . .
Thumbs down.
Randy, you are correct.
Kara, we agree? I am so confused right now. . .
I'm confused also as to why Simon is being so nice to her. He clearly wants her to stay in the competition.
She seems very nice. . .she can stay for now.

Adam--"Tracks of My Tears"
(Before the break) I would prefer never to hear the word "surprise" in relation to this Adam ever again. I am now terrified.
(And we're back) Uh oh. Don't kill Smokey. You've already killed Johnny. And Mick. Shoot me in the face.
He kind of looks. . .good? *gags*
That was. . . good.
Smokey's standing?
I can barely type I'm so. . . shocked.
Maybe someone finally told him that homophobes vote too.
Adam has finally learned to use the Force for good. . .

Danny--"Get Ready"
Another Temptations song. . .*sigh*
Wtf Smokey? Why. . .is he telling him to sing it like he's alone in the shower. . .
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Eddie Kendricks is not pleased. He's shaking his fist at you from the grave, Danny.
Thank you, Simon.

Allison--"Papa Was A Rolling Stone"
Another Temptations song, but I support this choice.
I suspect that Dennis Edwards would also support it.
Wonnnnnnnnnnderful :)
And Simon says. . .
YAYYYY!!!!!!

Allison and Matt still = my favorites.

Buy me some peanuts

2009-03-25T10:24:00.006-04:00

Fantasy Baseball Draft Day is upon us. Naturally, I got fucked. I have 11th pick in a 12 team league with a bunch of assholes who left their draft on autopilot, and Grady is ranked 5th or 6th OVERALL this season. You do the math. . . *sigh* As the result of both that and everything I learned from last season. . . my lineup has a few Indians-related weaknesses and turned out a little Dodger heavy. We shall see.

So my projected starting Fantasy lineup this season is:

C Russell Martin (LAD) --I love him. That is all.
1B Mark Teixeira (NYY) --I hate myself for this, but I would like to win.
2B Placido Polanco (DET) --The best name in baseball, and a pretty decent hitter.
SS Derek Jeter (NYY) --A classic. At least I can count on him not to turn into a douche.
3B Mark DeRosa (CLE) --Woooo. . .
OF Shane Victorino (PHI) -- *sigh* see above Teixeira comment.
OF Matt Kemp (LAD) --The man saved my team last year, gotta love him.
OF Nate McLouth (PIT) --I will hope that he continues to be the one good thing about the Pirates.
P Indians (It goes by entire staff. . .) --Good god, I'm an idiot.

(Hahahahaha someone on Auto Pilot just got stuck with Travis Hafner. Suck it, buddy!!)

Moving on. . .

On the bench! (Hellooooo weaknesses. . .):
1B/3B Casey Blake (LAD) --Nothing like a Blake/DeRosa combo, bwah ha ha!
OF David DeJesus (KC) --If he continues to hit the hell out of the Indians, I want him on my team.
SS Edgar Renteria (SF) --This makes my skin crawl. . . the fact that I drafted the man who hit the ball that cost the Indians the 1997 World Series. With any luck, I will never need him to start.
C Kelly Shoppach (CLE) --Best backup catcher in the league.
OF Frankin Guttierez (SEA) --Hehehe.
2B/SS ASDRUBAL CABRERA --If I can't have Grady on my team, I will have my Asdrubal.

That is all.

Drove your A-Rod to the playoffs.

2009-03-23T11:03:00.003-04:00

Um . . . I have a few blog posts in mind to write at a later date, but I was just sorting through some emails and found this from 2007 and was highly amused. And then a little sad.

Only 14 days.

The Devil's Playground

2009-03-11T21:00:00.002-04:00

Ok. . .to fulfill a reader request, annnnnd because it's not writing my French paper--

I have decided to live blog the first American Idol elimination show, which starts now and will include performances by Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson.

Seacreast In.

Judges. . .oh the judges. . .Kara, what are you wearing? Paula, put them away.

A twist? Interesting. I think I like this twist--a judge's save. I was just thinking to myself last night that I'm not sure I've ever recovered from Tamyra's elimination in Season 1.

Oooh the house. I wonder if there's a nursery and a chapel. Because those seem to be the unanimous needs this season. . .

Matt Giraud, you are more than just a prince.

OH god. . .not a medley. . .

I think my ears are bleeding. . . This is laughably ridiculous. Half of these people have children (who I would bet were accidents), and one has pictures of himself painted green and/or sticking his tongue down numerous dudes' throats. . .and they're singing what is essentially children's music.

*first commercial break*

Oooh the recap:
Lil Rounds, fuck you for ruining the one MJ song I like.
Michael Sauver = not a cowboy.
Alexis Grace, you are my age and you have a child.
Allison = love. She is the next Ann Wilson.
Kris = creepy Jesus freak.
Scott = *pleads the fifth*
Matt Giraud I LOVE YOU.
Jasmine = suck.
Megan Joy = . . .I got nothin.
Anoop = why Beat It, why?
Jorge = most likely to molest small boys
Adam = you belong in a queen bar in Chelsea.
Danny = please keep matching your glasses to your outfit . . .I like you, but you're not Matt Giraud.

Music Video . . . Freddie Mercury is rolling over in his grave right now. ROOOOOLLING over.

Annnnd the feedback:
Michael is. . .safe. Whatevs. He'll be gone in a few weeks anyway.
Allison is. . .safe. Duh.
Jasmine is. . .BWAH HA HA. "Please come to the center of the stage and hang tight for a second."
Matt Giraud is. . .oh, silly Matty. You look attractive in hunter plaid, sir . . . IS SAFE!! *JUMPS FOR JOY*
Kris is. . .(a creepy Jesus freak)
Megan is. . .wearing testicles around her neck?
OOOOOOOO MYSTERY
Megan is in the center of the stage. . . and she's safe. Jasmine is going home. I like this. Not completely, but it's alright. No, Seacrest, I do not want to her her sing.
I could pretend to feel sorry for her except that I suspect she'll audition for all the remaining ten years or whatever of her eligibility.

*second commercial break*

Good god, Kanye's been around for NINE YEARS?!? I feel old.
You are looking mighty terrible tonight, Mr. West. Need to learn to match your denims better. . . You look like a white car mechanic from Arkansas.
My money's on these screaming little bitches not really appreciating Kanye. When Kelly Clarkson comes out though, they'll probably lose their shit.

*third commercial break*

More results:
Scott is. . .(sympathy vote, I mean) safe.
Alexis is. . .safe.
Danny is. . . safe. Exxxxxcelllent.
Anoop is. . .(benifitting from the Slumdog frenzy?) we'll see. "Center of the stage."
Adam is. . . (not family friendly. . .) safe. DAVID BOWIE WANTS HIS WIG BACK.
Jorge is. . .(Puerrrrrrto Rico, my heart's devotion. . .) potentially sinking back into the ocean.
Lil is. . .safe.

So we have Anoop and Jorge. AFTER THE BREAK. Fuck you, you smarmy megalomaniac.
(I kind of want Jorge to go home because I would rather insert Anoop's name into numerous jokes . . . but Jorge likes George Michael . . .)
We'll have to wait for Kelly Clarkson.

*fourth commercial break*

Kelly Clarkson, usurper of Tamyra Gray. Conveniently. . .just released a new album. And looks . . . large? weird.
She sounds alright, but the older I get, I keep thinking that this genre of "fucked up little big girl" music has already been maxed out by the only album us fucked up little big girls could ever need . . . the one, the only, Jagged Little Pill.
At least she sounds good, which is more than I can say for most female pop artists these days ...

*fifth commercial break*

Annnnnnd Anoop is. . .safe. Oh man, I totally called this, lol, and I kind of liked Jorge. Clearly, 33 million Americans think he's the poor man's Dev Patel.

Hahaha, I love Simon.

Alive and deaaaaaad ...

2009-03-09T10:40:00.007-04:00

I have such a sick, twisted crush on Jason Sudeikis.

It's one thing when he's Floyd, on 30 Rock, which is a whole different story.

But like . . . then there's all the SNL stuff. I have not dug out a Joe Biden clip, but here are a couple of this week's highlights.

Sick. And twisted.

EDIT: I can't even fault Floyd for using Ghostbusters for evil because I picked up on the reference the second he said he had a partner meeting with Peter Venkman. And knowledge of Ghostbusters is a prerequisite for entry into my life. Y'all need to get on that.

"Hell any monkey can"

2009-03-06T00:05:00.007-05:00

Being an academic fucks with your head. Like, I've spent all night (which means. . .maybe 2 out of the last five hours, if I'm lucky) reading about prostitutes and death in 19th century France and the implications this has on society's image of women. I've also become slightly convinced that I've developed some sort of seasonal depression based on the fact that the only consistently warm place in my room is in my bed, under six layers of blankets. So I usually read (even my schoolwork) in bed. And spending all day in bed is clearly not healthy.

Which leads me to the fact that here I am, back at my computer. Taking an undeserved break, and listening to some tunes while talking on AIM. . . Two important things to note here:

My iTunes is a little "special." This morning it played three Bruce Springsteen songs in a row, and earlier tonight, three out of a sample of four songs were John Mayer. I admit that there is less selection on my laptop, but COME ON.
I have everything Bruce Springsteen has ever officially recorded. No joke (although the Tracks set isn't on my laptop).

So here I am, at the mercy of my dumb iTunes, and on comes the Springsteen song "Man's Job" off of the Human Touch album. A sample of the lyrics:

Well you can go out with him
Play with all of his toys
But takin' care of you darlin'
Ain't for one of the boys
Oh there's something in your soul
That's he's gonna rob
And lovin' you baby, lovin' you darlin'
Lovin' you woman is a man's man's job

Next! comes the Springsteen song "Real Man," off of the SAME GODDAMN ALBUM. Another lyric sample:

I ain't no fighter that's easy to see
And as a lover I ain't goin' down in history
But when the lights go down and you pull me close
Well I look in your eyes and there's one thing I know
Baby I'll be tough enough
If I can find the guts to give you all my love
Then I'll be feelin' like a real man

So basically. . .I'm sitting here thinking about how there are two excellent songs with the word "man" in their title on one album and the subsequent implications of these songs on the discourses of American masculinity (whilst muttering "fuck my life, fuck my life, fuck my life" under my breath). This is especially interesting considering the fact that Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band have one hell of a vocal male fan base, unlike most of the bands to which I regularly listen. . .

I need a life. Like, now.

I heart this picture

2009-03-04T21:09:00.004-05:00

This is maybe the coolest picture ever taken. It's Omar Vizquel (who said in an interview the other day that if he went into the HOF, he'd go as an Indian!) shaking hands with Asdrubal Cabrera before the Spring Training game on Monday. So basically, one legendary Venezualan shortstop shaking hands with an up-and-coming Venezuelan (everyone but me thinks he should be a) shortstop, wearing the same number as his idol. Omar now plays for the Texas Rangers, and it appears this could be his last year in the Majors.

Swiped from Indians Photo Galleries (March 2).

Launch party woooo

2009-03-03T10:15:00.004-05:00

My (short) review of the Late Night with Jimmy Fallon premiere:
I thought the first 30 minutes or so were tremendously hilarious, and I, of course, have unexplainable and long-lasting love of Jimmy Fallon. The Roots are a FANTASTIC house band! Robert DeNiro was amusing at times, Justin Timberlake just came off as a cocky asshole (and the show he was promoting sounds TERRIBLE), and Van Morrison was solid, but odd. I expected a more famous song. This is perhaps odd coming from me. . .but I would have preferred less reliance on his past on SNL?. On tonight's episode, I'm sure he and Tina Fey will handle this wonderfully, but the Barry Gibb Talk Show thing wasn't that funny the first time. I think I enjoyed Robert DeNiro's Jimmy Fallon impression more because Jimmy was mocking his own failed movie career in starting the whole exchange off than because it was funny. . .

However, the first 30 minutes were great, and I'm hoping that's enough for people to keep watching!!

Here is, by far, the highlight of the first episode:

"The happiest sound goin' down today."

2009-03-01T20:58:00.007-05:00

I found this survey/chain letter/thing while crazy stalking on Facebook. . .and I felt like it would be more appropriate to post here because, you know, I am a sucker for making lists and this is like a High Fidelity Top 5 on steroids.

"Think of 25 albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of musically shaped your world."

This is one of those deals where I'm supposed to tag a bunch of people who are supposed to do it and tag me. . .but just leave me comments with your albums. . .or inevitably to make fun of mine. I'm ok with that ;-) I'm also cheating a little bit. . .because certain albums deserve to be on this list but maybe don't deserve a whole number themselves or because I wanted to only have one number for a certain artist.

In autobiographical order, starting in 1995:

1. Jagged Little Pill (Alanis Morissette) and Bad Hair Day ("Weird" Al Yankovic)

Although I could probably put Jagged Little Pill here by itself, I wanted to include Bad Hair Day for this reason: these are the first two tapes I ever purchased (the third being TLC's CrazySexyCool, but it's safe to say I haven't listened to that since around 1998). I remember the first time I heard "Amish Paradise," and I remember running to my mom with the liner notes for Jagged Little Pill and innocently telling her they were full of dirty words I wasn't supposed to hear. Her response: "Well, it's too late now. Just go listen." And so begins my foray into mainstream music. . .

2. Middle of Nowhere (Hanson)

Now, there are a lot of teeny-bopper bands I could fess up to liking, maybe even one or two that deserve to have an album on this list, but Hanson is the only one I still listen every now and then in a totally sincere, unnostalgic kind of way. I still listen to it sometimes when I'm sad because it's one of only a few albums that has only happy memories and fun times attached to it. While I was cleaning my room the other day, I was rocking out to "A Minute Without You," which is still just an AWESOME pop song.

3. The Ego Has Landed (Robbie Williams)

I really like this CD. Really really like this CD. However, it's one of the few on this list that I'm not really sure how I first came upon it. I remember the song "Millennium" being really popular...but I don't recall liking it enough to purchase the CD. I do however remember when we had sleepovers in middle school, and we used to turn the beginning of "Karma Killer" up obnoxiously loud to hear Robbie Williams say, in his wonderful accent, "You've been naughty, very very naughty". . .perhaps we were actually mentally disturbed, haha.

4. RENT Original Broadway Cast Album

Um. Duh. I discovered this ca. 8th grade sooooo 1999? I checked it out of the library, fell in love, and promptly embarked on a mission to copy as much of it as possible on to one tape (because this was before CD burners). I wrote one of my college application essays about how we should look to Roger as a role model. This one kind of explains itself, haha.

5. Greatest Hits I, II, and III (Billy Joel)
6. Greatest Hits (James Taylor)
7. Tapestry (Carole King)

Clearly, this is an instance of something I still listen to on a regular basis. I'm counting the three CDs under one number because I've never privileged one over the other. . .it's hard to explain all the associations I have with Billy Joel, but it's safe to say that he's one of those people who has a song for every moment of your life. James Taylor has always been the music that I listen to when I need to think, or I need to calm down, or I need to stay calm. . .Carole King's Tapestry was one of the first things I procured for my vinyl collection when I decided to branch out from the collections my parents already had. It still feels weird sometimes when I listen to it on CD, but it's a really good solid album.

8. In Utero (Nirvana)

Perhaps an unorthodox choice of Nirvana album, and maybe the MTV Unplugged album deserves to be on this list just as much as In Utero, but In Utero was the first Nirvana album I bought and it contains a high number of my Top 5 Nirvana songs (i.e. "Rape Me" and "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle"). I got into Nirvana late, but dammit, I got into it with zeal.

9. Little Plastic Castle (Ani DiFranco)

Oddly, I associate this album with my past life in dance, haha, because I first heard "Pixie," "Swan Dive," and "Loom" at a workshop. And really, it's the only Ani DiFranco album I've ever been able to get into--I like other songs but not any full albums, and this is the only one I own. It's hard to explain why this album belongs on the list, I don't listen to it that much anymore and that would necessitate more space devoting to explaining about dance. . .hmmm maybe I'll go listen to this while I keep typing ;-)

10. Room For Squares (John Mayer)

Another thing I first heard through dance--two girls I danced with, who were perhaps the closest thing I ever had to sisters pre-high school graduation, first played this for me when we were at national competition the summer after it came out. I never bought it; I think the copy I have is still one I burned from one of their CDs. But this is definitely on the list of albums that got me through high school, one of the albums that got played over and over and over again when I was alone in my room and all I wanted to do was listen to music. And that's why it's here instead of any of his more recent albums, all of which I do own and listen to all the time. This is perhaps not specifically related to this album . . . but when I saw John Mayer on the Heavier Things tour, it was the first time my mom ever let me drive to a concert alone. Or really, damn near anywhere over 45 minutes away alone. In a way. . . I guess that means I associate John Mayer with growing up and being independent.

11. By the Way (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

This CD came out the summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school. I know this because that was the summer I attended an Honors Institute at Shawnee State University because I'm "special." Ha. Ha. Anywho, the drive from Cortland to Portsmouth, OH, where the university is located. . .is about six hours. If I remember correctly, the CD came out the day before my mom was going to drive me down, and she took me to get it but the first chance I had to listen was the drive down. And I listened to it for SIX HOURS STRAIGHT. My mom was about to kill me. I listened to it all throughout the retreat between sessions. And then a good portion of the ride home. That's why it's here instead of Californication: I still haven't gotten sick of it, and it's still my favorite RHCP album.

12. The Very Best of (The Doors)

I don't remember exactly how I got into The Doors. What I remember is this: at my gargantuan 16th birthday party (which is maybe another story in and of itself...), one of the best presents I received was a burned copy of The Very Best of The Doors, from my dear friend, Rachel. Basically, it's every Doors song you could ever need, and I still have it. And it still gets played :)

13. Waiting for My Rocket to Come (Jason Mraz)

This CD came out the summer between my junior and senior years of high school. I remember this (are we starting to see a pattern. . .) because it came out the summer I was in D.C. for one of those special kid political conferences that you have to pay oodles to attend (don't ask... this was still in my, "I want to study political science!" phase). It came out the Tuesday during the week I was at the conference and "The Remedy" was already on the radio, and I was pissed that I wasn't going to be able to buy it right away. So my mom went out and bought it. . .and brought it with her when she and my dad drove back to D.C. to pick me up. All I can say is that she should know better after the By the Way incident.

14. My Generation: The Very Best Of (The Who)

This is why I avoid music stores unless I have a purpose: sometimes I see a CD, and I feel inexplicably compelled to purchase it. Because I can feel in an abstract (I almost want to say clairvoyant) way that I need it. I also have this problem with books. . .but with music, it tends to happen more because I can automatically pop in the CD and listen. This happened with The Who, who I didn't know much about at the time, when I was in Columbus during my senior year of high school for the Senior Beta Club Convention. Listened to it all the way home ... now it's safe to say that I love The Who more than all the other mid-60s British bands combined. Which I suppose makes me an anomaly.

15. Fever to Tell (The Yeah Yeah Yeahs)

Another senior year album. I can't remember where I discovered them. . .or really what made it so awesome at that time. I think this came out around the time I started reading Rolling Stone on an obsessive level, and I suspect my appreciation of this album and all the insanity that is Karen O can somehow be traced back to RS. They're still great. I'm excited for their new album in April.

16. Fly (Dixie Chicks)

I felt. . .like there had to be a country album on the list because I listen to country, and I like it a lot. Just not usually in whole albums. However, if the collection of CMT's 40 Greatest Drinking Songs (downloaded at the end of the fall semester of my sophomore year) were an album, it would be here. It's how I discovered that I write best when listening to country drinking songs. Since it's not an album, we are left with Fly. I do love the Dixie Chicks, even as they mellowed out and then got super angry again. There are definitely more scary sleepover stories from high school about us singing and dancing around to "Goodbye, Earl" (homicide, yay!)...but I think this is the best album they've released, and one of the few country CDs I actually own myself.

17. Rump Shaker (Suburban Legends)

And now for the representative ska album and the "summer after graduation" trifecta. . . this is the band that I always describe as the ska version of The Temptations because the horn section dances while they play. As much as I love Reel Big Fish, I love this album more. I have seen Suburban Legends in concert. . .three times. First, with Reel Big Fish on the Coast to Coast Roast Tour in the summer of 2004, then at a wee little bar called the Rhythm Room in Cleveland Heights (used to be at the corner of Cedar and South Taylor. . .I think it's been about three different things since the concert) during my first week of college, and then the summer between my sophomore and junior years at the Summer of Ska tour, which was otherwise pretty terrible, haha.

18. Get Born (Jet)

#2 in the "summer after graduation" trifecta. Oh, Jet. How disappointed in you I am. This is definitely one of those albums that is quality, but my appreciation for the band has lessened significantly since they failed to release another album of consequence. When this came out, I remember people criticizing it for being derivative--but in retrospect that's exactly what I loved. When I saw them in concert and the lead singer climbed up onto a ten footer speaker or amp or whatever at the side of the stage and then JUMPED--I remember thinking this was the closest I was every going to get to seeing a classic band in their prime. . .

19. Ocean Avenue (Yellowcard)

#3 in the "summer after graduation" trifecta. This album isn't even on my computer anymore but I'm pretty sure these lyrics are all you need to assess why a CD like this would be important to someone who just graduated high school and is worried about leaving home: "There's a place called Ocean Avenue/ Where I used to sit and talk with you/ We were both 18 and it felt so right/Sleepin' all day, stayin' up all night." And no, I did not have to look those lyrics up to get them right.

20. The Colour and the Shape (Foo Fighters)

Liking the Foo Fighters is admittedly an offshoot of that Nirvana obsession, which reached its peak in the spring of my senior year in high school. The Colour and the Shape is my favorite Foo Fighters album, but it also has an amusing story. My mom and I go to garage/church/charity/library sales all the time. I spend a lot of money on new books and music, but I also have a lot of random things that I got secondhand from these sales. When I was, maybe, fourteen, I found The Colour and the Shape CD at a library sale, and I bought it because the name of the band sounded familiar. I never listened to it. I sat on it for a few years, and then came the Nirvana obsession. . .I was reading about Dave Grohl one day, and the article mentioned this album. It occurred to me that I already had it, and I immediately put it into rotation in my car. "Everlong," "My Hero," and "Monkey Wrench"--all on this album.

21. Afterglow (Sarah McLachlan) / Blue (Joni Mitchell) / Lost in Space (Aimee Mann)

Again with the cheating--I put these three loosely chosen albums together because they represent the progression in my listening habits during my freshman year of college, which went in continuous obsessive cycles. I'd always loved Sarah McLachlan, but I think Afterglow was brand new at that point. I listened to Sarah compulsively for weeks and weeks and weeks during the fall semester and the first part of the Spring semester; I couldn't get enough, and totally embraced the introspective college girl cliche (at least in my head, haha). From there, my roommate, Kate, got me hooked on Joni Mitchell because she had swiped The Hissing of Summer Lawns from her mom. The reason that Blue is on this list instead is that it's got "Blue," "A Case of You," and "River"--my three favorite Joni songs. From Joni Mitchell, I progressed into the future and started to love Aimee Mann. Who is brilliant. And sarcastic. And who writes the kind of music I would hope to write if I could write music. But it would never be as good.

22. X & Y (Coldplay)

Oh Coldplay, the band everyone either loves or loves to hate. I missed the boat on Parachutes and came late to A Rush of Blood to the Head. I bought X&Y and enjoyed it more than the reviews had suggested I would. I wasn't completely convinced that Coldplay was legit until I saw them in concert at the very beginning of my sophomore year of college, which necessitated driving to Columbus. On a Wednesday. Yes, I had class at 10am that Thursday. Wooooo college. Anyway, I was excited, but I wasn't expecting them to be as epic as they were. Chris Martin knows how to please a crowd, that's for sure. When they played "Yellow," they released a bunch of yellow balloons into the amphitheater crowd, which looked AMAZING from the lawn. They rocked all the new X&Y songs, and because this was very soon after Johnny Cash died, they played both their Cash-esque song "'Til Kingdom Come," perhaps the best song on X&Y, followed by "Ring of Fire." I was so impressed. Maybe X&Y isn't their best, but it's the album through which they gained my respect.

23. Stand Up (Dave Matthews Band)

I have seen DMB five times in concert, including travel distances of up to seven hours, but this is the only DMB CD I legally own (until June 2, 2009, that is) and the only one that's been released since I became a super hardcore fan. It's not my favorite, it's certainly not the best. But it's here because it's the first one that made me feel like I wasn't intruding into a kind of music whose prime had passed. I admit to being ashamed to tell people how much I like DMB because people make assumptions about it too easily. Clearly, they have never seen Dave live and have never wished that they were at Woodstock...I could go on, but I won't. Not here, anyway.

24. A Little Bit Longer (Jonas Brothers)

Well, if my enjoyment of DMB is contentious, *POOF* goes any remaining music street cred I had. . .I jokingly told Rachel awhile ago that, if I make it through grad school, at least part of that is probably due to the Jonas Brothers and their sincere poppy enthusiasm. I realized afterwards. . .that that wasn't really a joke. A Little Bit Longer is a bunch of damn good pop music, and it's nice to have at least one CD in your car to throw on that doesn't make you THINK after THINKING is what is causing all your problems.

25. The Bends (Radiohead)

Hello little bit of music street cred. . .you've returned. It took me SO LONG to get into Radiohead. I *ahem* acquired their entire catalog last spring and did not listen to any of it until after I moved to New Jersey. I admit that liking The Bends the best is probably cheating, since it's the most melodic and the most straightforward, but it was my entry point into the land of Radiohead. When I saw Chuck Klosterman speak in September, someone asked him if he was still a Bends person (re: the Radiohead interview in Chuck Klosterman IV), and he gave a very thoughtful answer that basically resulted in, "No. I like OK Computer better now." But it made me want to listen to The Bends. And I did. On repeat. FOR WEEKS. And here we are.

I hope my conversational tone has fooled you all into thinking this was easy. In reality, it took me over a week to assemble and write in the midst of doing other things.

What albums are on your lists? I am curious :)

Black cat, nine lives, short days, long nights

2009-02-26T22:11:00.005-05:00

more animals

I want to go to there. I heart black cats, this may be the cutest I have ever seen.

"And when the night is new, I'll be looking at the moon"

2009-02-23T10:44:00.013-05:00

I've never been this happy with the Oscars before, so I'm going to take this opportunity for a few positive Oscar musings . . .and also to brag that I went 7 for 9, bitches. Annnd enough of that. (All images from the NY Times Red Carpet Gallery)

All of the kids from Slumdog Millionaire were at the ceremony yesterday. They are ADORABLE, but the one in particular, the one on the bottom right in this picture--if I were at the ceremony, I would have put him in my purse and smuggled him home with me. Soooo cute.

Kate Winslet managed to look even more beautiful last night, which is quite a feat. I think she said her dress was Yves Saint Laurent (same as the one from the Globes), and it's lovely. Then we have Sean Penn and his wife, Robin Wright Penn. Besides the fact that the Best Actor and Actress awards made me cry and that's why I'm putting these pictures up, I wanted to add that I had read that the Penns were getting divorced, and they somehow made up and it was nice to see them all happy at the ceremony :)

Two final musings:

I like Daniel Craig a) because he looks better in a tux than any man has a right to and b) because he has a girlfriend who he is not married to who he brings everywhere even though, to my knowledge, she is not a showbiz person. I love that. I love that he does whatever the fuck he wants--and she always looks beautiful.

Finally, all the pictures I could find of James Franco on the red carpet were labelled "James Franco and guest." I don't know who this mystery woman is, but upon further inspection, I think her dress might be one of my favorites from the entire night. It's really kind of a simple design, but I like the ruching on the skirt coupled with the heavier belt.

Some Favorite Moments From the Ceremony:
(I would post videos, but for the most part, the YouTube gremlins are failing me at the moment)

Sean Penn's Acceptance Speech--now, I should put it out there that I usually hate political acceptances speeches (even when I agree with them) as much as any right-winger. But I've watched Sean Penn's speech on YouTube about five times today, and I think it's a little different. Milk is a political movie, and making that short plea to those who voted against Prop 8 seems appropriate. Calling the Academy "commie, homo-loving sons-of-guns" was amusing--and it reflects the reality that the hallowed institution of the Academy still fails to recognize socially transgressive movies. And--he called Obama an "elegant man," not intelligent, not anything that truly has a negative opposite that could be projected onto Bush. I appreciate the thought that he clearly put into this speech so it will be taken seriously and not end up on negative Oscar highlight reels for years to come.
Queen Latifah's "In Memoriam"--Dear God, her dress was beautiful. I'm convinced that that sapphire blue color looks good on everyone, and I had no idea she could sing as beautifully and as classically (in the sense of broadway and old female singers) as she sang "I'll Be Seeing You" last night. Also, I hate that there's always someone who died that I didn't know or have forgotten about. For example, I had forgotten that half the cast of Brigadoon, Cyd Charisse and Van Johnson, had died in the past year. :(
Judd Apatow's Pineapple Express Comedy Short--I choked on an Oreo when they showed the kiss clip from Milk and Franco moved closer to Rogan. LOVED IT, haha. On a similar note, Steve Martin and Tina Fey should be allowed to do everything all the time. Because they're awesome.
Hugh Jackman--Holy shit. He was amazing. The tribute to musicals was spotty at best (but you can't fault a man for screaming "The musical is back!!" onstage, well. . .you can't fault him if you're me, and you love musicals), but the Opening Number was inspired. Perhaps the best thing since Billy Crystal hosted the Oscars AND was actually still funny.

EDIT: (12:06pm)
Ok, I lied, one negative Oscar comment prompted by a perusal of Facebook statuses. I hate when people complain that the Oscars are sooooo boring or that movies like The Dark Knight didn't get nominated for more important awards. Or that movies with an intellectual aim (that's right The Reader, I'm lookin' at you!) are only appreciated by people in Hollywood and not the world-at-large so they don't actually deserve to win anything. Yeah, well, fuck you. I liked The Dark Knight as much as anyone with a weakness for comic book movies, but it was half an hour too long and was building on everything Chris Nolan started in Batman Begins. And as for the Oscars being too long--they've already cut down the ceremony as much as they can. Will Smith presented four of the technical awards in what I think was under 15 minutes. That's RIDICULOUS! And it's so they can put in all these silly production numbers to earn viewers who are just going to bitch about the whole thing anyway. Maybe the Oscars should go the way of everything else lately. . .and start their own cable channel. Then, you know, when I win the lottery and can afford digital cable, I can switch between the MLB Channel and the Oscar channel and never feel incomplete.

It rains when you're here

2009-02-21T23:54:00.002-05:00

Done! Just in time for another cold spell. . . :(

All of this functional knitting is making me feel like some kind of pioneer woman. . .

Oh yeah, my heart's in a whirl

2009-02-20T13:24:00.007-05:00

I have seen everything nominated in these categories (not including Best Animated Movie) except Happy-Go-Lucky, because it's not out on DVD yet and it wasn't re-released in any theater I could find.

That said, I stand by my earlier picks, although I'm a little concerned about Best Supporting Actress and Best Original Screenplay. I accept that Best Actor is out of my control, but I am a staunch supporter of Sean Penn.

Just a reminder, since the Oscars are Sunday night:

Best Actor--Sean Penn in "Milk"
Best Supporting Actor--Heath Ledger in "The Dark Knight"
Best Actress--Kate Winslet in "The Reader"
Best Supporting Actress--Viola Davis in "Doubt"
Best Animated Movie--"WALL-E"
Best Adapted Screenplay--"Slumdog Millionaire" (Simon Beaufoy)
Best Original Screenplay--"In Bruges" (Martin McDonagh)
Best Directing--"Slumdog Millionaire" (Danny Boyle)
Best Picture--"Slumdog Millionaire"

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In other news, I'm kind of a calendar whore. I have three of those daily calendars on my desk and a regular wall one (with pictures of antique maps) on my bulletin board. I feel like decorations that change with this kind of frequency were invented for spastics such as myself.

However. . .sometimes the daily ones are kind of alarming. For example, today, I forgot to change them until about five minutes ago, after I had made my to-do list for next week (and almost had a heart attack) and after I had listened to the Jonas Brothers for half an hour (*sigh*).

Here's my daily advice according to my horoscope-a-day calendar:

Should you ponder the number of your commitments, you'll want to lie down with a cool cloth on your head. Looking at the overview will make the whole thing more palatable.

Huh. How 'bout that to-do list.

And my other wee daily calendar (the third is a larger painting-a-day calendar that my mom gave me for Christmas), is a "Women's Wit" calendar, sooooo it gives me a daily "witty" quote from a famous woman. I say "witty" instead of witty because they have yet to be truly amusing. Here's today's:

I have always adored beautiful young men. Just because I grow older, my taste doesn't change. So if I can still have them, why not?
-Brigitte Bardot

*Sigh* And here I've been looking for encouragement to kick me OUT of this week's SNL-triggered Jonas Brothers obsession. . .

Ay, carumba. . .

2009-02-18T11:41:00.009-05:00

I apologize for the video being off-center. I don't have any freaking idea how to fix it :(

I'm like a bird. . .

2009-02-16T11:43:00.007-05:00

As if I don't say this enough, I love the Cleveland Indians. Below is a picture (swiped from the MLB Photo Gallery here) of the sculpture outside their new training facility that's supposed to unite the concepts of baseball and flight, since the complex is really close to the airport, as evidenced by this photo of my Asdrubal from the Plain Dealer's website.

But yes. . .here is the sculpture:

And I find this pretty remarkable because it's CLEARLY based on the series of "bird" sculptures done by the Italian Futurist Constantin Brancusi in the early 20th century. . .which, in either stone or metal, look like this:

Now. . .I have never particularly cared for this sculpture, but since my two favorite things, those being baseball and art history, have united. . .

BWAH HA HA!!!

I love the Indians :)

You naughty kittens

2009-02-16T10:32:00.003-05:00

I only have one of these done. . .which doesn't really matter at this point because I can't justify restricting the use of my fingers unless there is snow on the ground, and New Jersey has been sunny every day for over a week now. Which, to say the least, is confusing.

The yarn here is a color called "Claret Heather" and it's much prettier in person. . .
Very Cabley Mittens Pattern available here.

Pour rire:

2009-02-14T23:09:00.002-05:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

Pump Up The Jam

2009-02-10T22:13:00.006-05:00

I can't believe I'm saying this.

Alex Rodriguez, I may not like you. I may think you're a shit third baseman (formerly a shit shortshop). I may think you are morally reprehensible and a sorry comparison to your all-around man-god of a teammate, Mr. Jeter. I may blame your insanely large contracts for destroying the free agent market and allowing inferior/unexciting players (cough Mark Teixeira cough) to pursue ten-year contracts at ridiculous pay levels. I may have watched your admission of steroid use for the pure enjoyment of watching you cry.

But Mr. Rodriguez, I believe you, if only because your claim to being so naive and stupid for three years only proves that you're as dumb as I always suspected you are.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guaranteed. . .A-Rod is in a very different situation from Barry Bonds (who should be crucified) and Mark McGwire (who pretty much has been crucified. . .). He wasn't targeted previously and consequently had the luxury of telling his story to a TV reporter. It would appear. . .that his only positive test was in 2003. . .and that he has since tested clean on numerous occasions. In his interview, he also points out how no one gave a shit in 2003 and how a lot of people trusted the wrong trainers and such. While this view is impossibly naive, I think it's at least partially accurate . . .

I think the fact that he a) admitted to using at all and b) allowed himself to be taped in an intimate interview session is surprisingly ballsy, and I don't think he's the kind of person who's shrewd enough to lie into the camera and get away with it. He looked completely emasculated--like someone was pulling his teeth out while he talked. He was almost visibly crying. At the very least, that's certainly a respectful departure from the shit that these other players have done. I still hate him, but I think it shows a respect for the game that's been lacking among its superstars in recent years.

That said: Yes, I am the person who thinks Pete Rose and Shoeless Joe Jackson should both be admitted to the Hall of Fame, and I think something CLEARLY needs to be done to weed out who sought out the drugs and who aimlessly listened to a trainer in order to both correct the statistical record and maintain the integrity of the sport.

I'm just not sure I'm ready for another reason to hate A-Rod, I guess.

However, if I ever hear the words "Grady Sizemore," "steroids," and/or "Performance-Enhancing Drugs" in the same sentence of a news article, I will cry myself to sleep for weeks, perhaps even years.

On that note, the Indians' pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training in Arizona in less than 48 hours.

Glory, glory, hallelujah!! Baseball season is upon us.

"I slipped away". . .slip slip knit, that is.

2009-02-09T12:50:00.010-05:00

I'm in the middle of three knitting projects (actually, more like six, but I'm actively working on three in particular). These three are two scarves and a blanket (the others are a pair of mittens and another couple of scarves. . .).

The most recently started is this scarf in an entrelac pattern. I'm not sure how I feel about the color of the yarn, and now that I'm quite a bit further than in this picture, it's apparent that I screwed up the right edge. I'm planning on fixing it later. . .with a few more tiers, this scarf looks a lot less crooked, and I'm supposed to block it, but the yarn's acrylic not natural. . .so we'll see. Here's the pattern, from another blog, if you're interested.

The other scarf is this one, in a pattern of small eyelet cables (they look like regular cables but don't actually involve the extra cable needle and crossing and what not. . .). I quite like this scarf, but I'm a little scared it won't turn out as well as I hoped. It will need to be blocked before it's done, and I'm planning on adding fringe to the end. I bought some yarn to make mittens that I think will match, so I'm excited for it to come (I say I think because I bought the yarn online. . .).

The last project is a blanket, which I started over Winter Break in a fit of needed to work on a project that would take me awhile. The catch is that I can only work on it when I actually want to count, and I'm sometimes very lazy. It also requires a good deal of yarn, which prompted my dad to tease me for carrying "elephant eggs" around. In this picture, which I just took. . .it's maybe about a fifth of the way done.

Here's a closeup of the pattern:

With any luck. . .I will actually finish all of these and they will turn out well, haha.

Pussycat, Pussycat. . .

2009-02-07T16:07:00.003-05:00

Uh, for those of you to whom I might have mentioned this video of my cat eating chicken broth . . .I finally uploaded it onto my computer, subsequently to YouTube. . .and am posting it here for your enjoyment. I apologize for the really obnoxious clicking sound in the background, my mom was cooking breakfast. . .

I had previously thought that raccoons were the only animals that used their paws in this manner, which just makes it more amusing because my cat is named Mika. . .after Meeko, the raccoon from Pocahontas, because she has a striped tail like a raccoon and I was kind of obsessed with Meeko for a long time. . .

Mary's Official Oscar Picks

2009-02-06T14:13:00.007-05:00

I've seen everything now, with a few exceptions (Changeling, Frozen River, Happy-Go-Lucky), so I'm going to make my picks now. I have a feeling I might not have time in the next few weeks since school appears to be picking up.

SPECIAL NOTE: Oscar Quest 2009 has the highest percent of completion ever in the history of my personal Oscar Quests. Even when you get into the technical nominations it doesn't hurt me because I have a weakness for comic book movies, haha. The percentage will even get a little higher since Frozen River is being released on DVD on Tuesday, and it's at the top of my Netflix queue.

I'm going to pick who will win, who my favorite is, and who I think has the potential to spoil based on other awards ceremonies or my general assessment of Oscar trends.

Performance by an actor in a leading role

Richard Jenkins in "The Visitor"
Frank Langella in "Frost/Nixon"
Sean Penn in "Milk"
Brad Pitt in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler"

I think that Sean Penn is the best--and that he will win, since he has won almost every award beside the Golden Globe. Frank Langella and Richard Jenkins were both great (Brad Pitt doesn't even deserve to be in their category), but in seeing Frost/Nixon, I finally know why I think Sean Penn is great. Langella is amazing--he IS Richard Nixon, down to the voice and the gesture and everything. He inhabits the character. But that's not acting, it's imitating. Sean Penn IS Harvey Milk in the same way, I think, but he makes viewers care about him. It's not just about replicating a historical moment or making a real person live again--he wants to make Harvey Milk as literary and developed as Randy Robinson in The Wrestler, who began as a figment of a writer's imagination. That, I think, is harder than even playing one of those figments.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

Josh Brolin in "Milk"
Robert Downey Jr. in "Tropic Thunder"
Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Doubt"
Heath Ledger in "The Dark Knight"
Michael Shannon in "Revolutionary Road"

Clearly. . .Heath Ledger is a projected winner and has won every award and was fabulous and if he wins, well, that's good. Because he probably deserved to win for Brokeback Mountain, which I still think was heavily underappreciated by the Oscars. Unfortunately, the Best Supporting Actor category is really the only one that got it right--all five men in this category deserve to win the Oscar, so it really depends on how far the sympathy vote gets Ledger. I think Philip Seymour Hoffman could spoil because he's always amazing, and I imagine he has a sizable fan base among Academy voters. However, in addition to Michael Shannon being my favorite for absolutely stealing every scene he was in (and previously. . .being only known to me through an episode of SVU), I wouldn't be surprised if Academy voters saw this category as a chance to reward an unfortunately ignored excellent movie in Revolutionary Road.

Performance by an actress in a leading role

Anne Hathaway in "Rachel Getting Married"
Angelina Jolie in "Changeling"
Melissa Leo in "Frozen River"
Meryl Streep in "Doubt"
Kate Winslet in "The Reader"

Kate Winslet is both my pick to win and my favorite, as I'm hoping that Oscar voters do that thing that they tend to do where extenuating circumstances affect their vote (see: Nicole Kidman winning for The Hours the year after being snubbed for Moulin Rouge). So basically. . .if Oscar voters say, wow she made The Reader AND Revolutionary Road this year!, no one else has a chance. That said, I think Meryl Streep, who also has a huge fan base, or Anne Hathaway could spoil. I liked Anne Hathaway in Rachel Getting Married--but the movie's not about her. It's about the wedding, and her character is just an excellently acted and written thread to an otherwise successful wedding. That said, Rachel Getting Married is one of my favorites out of everything nominated and everyone should see it :D

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

Amy Adams in "Doubt"
Penélope Cruz in "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
Viola Davis in "Doubt"
Taraji P. Henson in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Marisa Tomei in "The Wrestler"

Like the Best Supporting Actor Oscar, everyone in this category deserves to be here--all their performances were great. I think Viola Davis will win because she steals Doubt from everyone, including Amy Adams in this category. Marisa Tomei is my favorite because I wasn't expecting her to be as good as she was in The Wrestler, and she was very much light in that desolate wasteland of a depressing movie. Taraji P. Henson could spoil because she gives Benjamin Button the closest thing it's got to a heart.

Best animated feature film of the year

"Bolt"
"Kung Fu Panda"
"WALL-E"

Anyone who has eyes and a brain knows that WALL-E is the best animated movie this year and the others in this category have a snowball's chance in Hell of winning.

Adapted Screenplay

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Eric Roth/Robin Swicord)
"Doubt" (John Patrick Shanley)
"Frost/Nixon" (Peter Morgan)
"The Reader" (David Hare)
"Slumdog Millionaire" (Simon Beaufoy)

This category's boring. As long as Slumdog doesn't feel a huge backlash, no one else has a chance. Hell, even if it does: I felt like Frost/Nixon was empty, Benjamin Button has some positives and its screenplay is not one of them, any complaints people had about Doubt were in the transitions it made to the stage play to the screen, and The Reader, from supposedly wonderful source material, had some troubling pacing problems and, I think, some instances of sub-par dialogue. But not many.

Original Screenplay

"Frozen River" (Courtney Hunt)
"Happy-Go-Lucky" (Mike Leigh)
"In Bruges" (Martin McDonagh)
"Milk" (Dustin Lance Black)
"WALL-E" (Andrew Stanton and Jim Reardon/Pete Docter)

This category is much more interesting. I picked WALL-E because the New York Times did. . .and because I think this is another category that's kind of a Russian roulette of quality. I watched In Bruges last night. . .and I'm kind of in love with it. I've never seen a movie about two Irish hitmen that covered so many bases so well, and they made a Bosch painting come to life. "Alex, I'll take ways to win Mary over for $1000!" So In Bruges is my favorite, but it's not even nominated for a Writer's Guild Award and neither are both of the films that could spoil for Wall-E. Although I haven't seen Frozen River or Happy-Go-Lucky, I've always seen this category as a way of honoring more delicate movies that aren't wide-ranging enough to please enough people to win Best Picture (see: Diablo Cody winning for Juno last year, Sofia Coppola for Lost in Translation). I haven't heard anything negative about either of these movies, and a lot of the positives I have heard have concerned their ingenuity, which inevitably comes from the screenplay--and if you look at the two examples of plucky female winners I just gave, perhaps that says something about Courtney Hunt's chances in particular.

Best Directing

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (David Fincher)
"Frost/Nixon" (Ron Howard)
"Milk" (Gus Van Sant)
"The Reader" (Stephen Daldry)
"Slumdog Millionaire" (Danny Boyle)

. . .Danny Boyle will win, and he made a wonderful movie. Secondary comments: Stephen Daldry is on his way to becoming the next Martin Scorsese (in the sense of getting tons of nominations and not winning), Ron Howard made a better movie in A Beautiful Mind and did win for that, and I imagine that David Fincher is the sole reason that Benjamin Button is bearable because I imagine him actively and constantly fighting against the schlocky sentimentality that weaves in and out of the story. Gus Van Sant. . .is a damn genius. If he loses for both Milk and Good Will Hunting, his most mainstream pictures, then I cannot imagine him ever winning this award. That is not a reason to give it to him, but from everything I've read, he seems like a Director that directs in every sense of the word and makes movies that are true to his vision. If Slumdog loses anything, I hope it's this one.

and. . .

Best Picture

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
"Frost/Nixon"
"Milk"
"The Reader"
"Slumdog Millionaire"

Again, if Slumdog doesn't see backlash and if the bleeding heart liberals in Hollywood don't spontaneously decide to take offense to the reports that people in Mumbai are displeased with the term Slumdog and the way poverty is portrayed (I hope you have gathered that I could give a shit about these complaints. These people produce lavish Bollywood spectacles and complain about mis-representing reality? Puh-leeze.), this award is Slumdog's to lose. And I'm ok with this current situation. I didn't like Frost/Nixon. . .it's not bad, but not special either. The Reader probably on my Top Ten list for this year, but it's not a real Best Picture candidate. I fear that Benjamin Button could take this award, but that's more due to its initial reception than to its reception at other awards ceremonies (which have almost unanimously ignored it). However, as I have said many times to many people, Milk is the best movie I've seen this year and in a very long time. Slumdog may win on ingenuity, but I think Milk has the timeless quality that Best Picture winners seem to lack as of late.

It all falls apart with no warning

2009-02-03T21:12:00.012-05:00

I have this problem (I mean. . .a problem BESIDES my apartment and the freakshows I live with and New Jersey):

Because the networks have rearranged their schedules to accommodate the Spring TV shows, I am left with a show to watch every night. Guaranteed, I have a lot of TV shows that I more than casually follow. The problem is that I have a few CANNOT MISS shows that I've been watching obsessively for years. . .and they're all on different nights.

So for those of you who need to contact me. . .know that if any of these shows are on, I'll be in front of the TV, probably also knitting (but more on the knitting when I come anywhere near finishing anything. . .). The TV shows listed in yellow are the ones that I haven't missed an episode for years.

Monday
8:00-9:00: House
(How I Met Your Mother is also on on Mondays, but I usually watch it online a few days later)

Tuesday
9:00-10:00: Fringe
10:00-11:00: Law and Order: SVU
(In the 8:00-9:00 hour, there are two shows that I follow, but I usually watch both NCIS and 90210 online later in the week.)

Thursday
9:00-10:00: Bones
(Although a recent addition, I know that 30 Rock is on Thursdays, but I watch it online afterwards. The whole Bones on Thursday thing still throws me too much to plan for anything else.)

Friday
(Because I pretend to have a social life, I watch Numb3rs on Saturday morning via Instant Netflix.)
However, I predict that Friday will become a problem soon because Joss Whedon's new show debuts on February 13, which only heightens my suspicions that Fox is out to kill Joss Whedon's career. Who the hell stays home to watch TV on a Friday? Dollhouse is doomed to fail.

Saturday
Can't miss Saturday Night Live. It might kill me at this point.

Based on this schedule, I can kind of understand why people have DVRs.

In other related TV news:
FUCK THE STEELERS.
(I actually could care less if the NFL "fixed the game" or whatever sore losers are arguing these days, the bottom line is that both teams played sloppy football. I hate sloppy football. Santonio Holmes can take his drug conviction and Ben Roethlisberger can take his motorcycle and ride it into the three goddamn rivers because they played bad football and even the (in my opinion kind of) mediocre Springsteen show kicked their sorry asses for entertainent value.)

Any day now, any way now

2009-02-01T13:28:00.005-05:00

I don't have anything particularly illuminating to say today, except that Saturday Night Live was brilliant last night and furnished me with a bunch of excellent quotes about New Jersey.

Exhibit A: (On Weekend Update)

Seth Meyers: I have to ask, why are you always going after New Jersey?
Governor Patterson: Seth, have you ever driven through there? It's like riding the Magic School Bus on the tour of a human colon.

In my haze of SNL loveliness this morning (I think I re-watched the Gov. Patterson feature three times on the NBC website before I finally got my ass up and went to Target). . .I noticed that the most recent Rolling Stone had Andy Samberg's name on the cover, so I picked it up, and read that article. And then I noticed that there the Q&A column was with Caleb Followill, the lead singer of Kings of Leon. . .whose most recent album has been playing almost non-stop since Rachel (damn you!!) got me hooked. In his answers. . .he alludes to the deep appreciation he has for The Band, the wonderfully named backing band of Dylan and powerhouse of folk-rock in their own right.

So now, after being stuck on The Killers' Day & Age for weeks, and being stuck on Kings of Leon's Only by the Night this past week . . . I have been listening to The Band's Greatest Hits since I finished reading the article. The day I stop listening to music based on rotating compulsions will be a happy one indeed, but I leave you with what I think might be the most sparingly elegant and poetic lyrics of the 20th century, from the song "Ophelia":

Ashes of laughter
The coast is clear
Why do the best things always disappear?
Like Ophelia
Please darken my door.

And in confusion, confidence

2009-01-25T22:12:00.004-05:00

In related news. . .Feministing called attention to the issue of their being different categories for male and female acting performances in the Academy Awards in their weekly list of links. . .this video is from last year, but they linked to more recent discussions.

Lately. . .Feministing has been a little more extreme, but this video is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen.

A) because I'm pretty sure she's wrong about the placement of the Best Actress Oscar. I remember being up way too late to see Nicole Kidman lose to Halle Berry.

B) because, like the Academy Awards, numerous other awards ceremonies have male and female performance awards (like the Grammys) and main awards that are up for whoever's good enough to compete. The fact that only Sofia Coppola is the only female who's actually stood a chance of winning Best Director in recent years. . .is not the Academy's fault. In addition, Diablo Cody beat out two men and two women to win Best Original Screenplay for Juno. Sofia Coppola won the same award a few years previous. Clearly, when a woman puts quality work out, the Academy does not hesitate to recognize with at least a nomination.

C) because I don't think it has anything to do with gender segregation in the negative sense of the word segregation. Movies are a reflection of society. Society dictates that different genders have different roles, which is a problem in and of itself, but until society changes, why should the movies? Also, Hillary Swank won an Oscar for playing a transgendered person in Boys Don't Cry, and with any luck, Sean Penn will win for playing a very feminine male in Milk. How could you possible judge the most masculine of roles, such as 1969 Best Actor John Wayne's performance in True Grit against Maggie Smith's role in The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, which won her the 1969 Best Actress Award? It's not logical.

This is exactly the type of stupid shit that makes feminism an "f-word."

"Sinful Caeser sipped his snifter, seized his knees, and sneezed."

2009-01-25T15:28:00.005-05:00

I was going to write an angry post about the Oscar nominations. . .because I really think they're dreadful. Depending on who actually wins each category, I feel like this could be the first year the Globes got everything right.

However. . .I've spent the last few days working my way through the six-part 2004 PBS documentary Broadway: The American Musical, which is maybe the stupidest thing I could have done knowing that I have lots of schoolwork to do. It covers the beginnings of Broadway in the 1890s all the way up to Wicked and what it would need to do to succeed in the changed Broadway world. Now, I am not the biggest fan of Wicked, I have no interest in The Lion King, and The Producers was the subject of one of my silly boycotts (the movie's fantastic, why fuck with it?). Most of my favorite shows are older, and this documentary was completely fascinating because it had archival footage of things I never thought I'd have the chance to see (like the original stage production of Cabaret) and it was made just in time--a good number of the people they interviewed have since passed away. The most interesting part--for me at least--was that they periodically tried to place Broadway success in relation to movie musical success (and sometimes had to use movie footage to illustrate shows that had no archived footage). Which got me thinking. . .

When I was three years old (1989), my parents bought me the 50th anniversary video edition of The Wizard of Oz. I watched that movie so frequently that I'm pretty sure the tape wouldn't work today if I tried to play it in a VCR (due to use and the fact that it's now twenty years old *gags*). I haven't seen the entire movie in maybe five years now, but I still remember ridiculously minute details and all the words to everything and can recite along with scenes when I do see them. When I got older, I found that there were more where that came from--more MGM musicals! more dancing! Gene Kelly! I watched damn near everything I could get from the library (the concept of "renting videos" is just one of those things that remained completely foreign to my parents. . .). Soon enough. . .I had a favorite: Singin' in the Rain, with Gene Kelly, Debbie Reynolds, and Donald O'Connor.

It's also been awhile since I've seen Singin' in the Rain all the way through. . .somehow, I completely forgot how much I loved all of these movies when I was in college. I remember cornering a Jimmy Stewart loving friend and making her watch Born to Dance with me (who wouldn't love a singing, dancing Jimmy Stewart in his 20s, haha. . .apparently this movie isn't even out on DVD, so my VHS copy will be treasured). But I never had time to watch movies unless they were current and cable TV took hold of my brain. . .so it never really occurred to me: is it possible that I found the 102 greatest minutes of film ever made at so young an age that it was all downhill from there? I don't love any of the Oscar-nominated movies I've seen this year as much as I love Singin' in the Rain. Maybe I love Ghostbusters as much, but that has little to do with its actual quality, haha.

In recent years, I've been particularly disappointed in the Academy's failure to recognize a few movies. . .Moulin Rouge, Lost in Translation. . .I accept that I was the only person who loved Atonement as much as I did, but that doesn't mean I wasn't disappointed. I hated Million Dollar Baby more than I liked my two preferred winners, The Aviator and Sideways, put together.

Singin' in the Rain was only nominated for two Oscars in 1953--and it didn't win either of them, even though it's probably a better movie than everything that's been nominated for Best Picture in the past ten years. To my great delight. . .I'm watching it now on the Instant Netflix thing because I left my VHS in Ohio. . .and it really is the perfect musical. Better than everything that came before and after, with or without all my crazy musical vendettas (i.e. I hate West Side Story the movie because Natalie Wood and Richard Beymer don't actually sing. This also applies to My Fair Lady the movie). So basically. . .if you haven't seen Singin' in the Rain and you have no interest in movie musicals from the '50s, that matters little, it's just that good.

I'm not sure if this confirms my sneaking suspicion that the Oscars are irrelevant (which will certainly be confirmed if Kate Winslet loses), but it certainly confirms my recent epiphany. . .that they matter very little as long as they fail to recognize that musicals and comedies can be just as good and just as meaningful to film history as dramas.

Oscar Quest 2009 is still "on like Donkey Kong". . .but more because I like good movies than because I still have respect for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

Shake your hair girl with your ponytail

2009-01-21T16:43:00.004-05:00

Last Chance Harvey (3.98 stars)
Ok. . .so. . .I added Last Chance Harvey to the Oscar Quest 2009 section because both Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman got nominated for Golden Globes. I haven't decided whether or not to keep it there based on whether or not it's nominated tomorrow, but my hunch is that not even its stars will receive Oscar nominations. Not because it's a bad movie--it isn't, although not to any credit of the writers. It's been called the Before Sunrise of the over-40 crowd and all sorts of other patronizing epithets. . .and the other people in the theater would seem to fit that demographic, as they mostly seemed to be women my mom's age and older. So why was I there? Well, besides Oscar Quest 2009, Emma Thompson is pretty high on my list of "women I want to be when I'm older," right behind Julie Walters (is it weird that all of my top five are probably British. . .?). I gave it 3.98 stars. . .because I don't think it was quite good enough with respect to the plot or any aspect not directly concerning its stars for four (sooo predictable. . .), but even at its most predictable, I still got the feeling that this is the way all romantic comedies should be made. With Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman, it's more When Harry Met Sally. . . than You've Got Mail, and that--in light of the 50,000 commercials besieging the world for He's Just Not That Into You (which I think looks DREADFUL)--is certainly worth paying for. Especially when you forget that Wednesday is also free popcorn day at AMC. Huzzah!

Revolutionary Road Update:
It opens here on Friday!!!! AHHHH!!!! *Does Happy Dance.*

I might post tomorrow with comments on the nominations. . .if I have any.

"I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours."

2009-01-19T20:03:00.007-05:00

I have this problem where I can't read books on or watch movies about Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, or Hunter S. Thompson if there's any chance that I will need to be responsible in the weeks after. . .

It's kind of like how you don't drink the night before you have to be up early and you don't ski if you have a job that requires the use of your legs.

When I read these things. . .it makes me sad and angry and philosophical. . .and generally incapable of functioning like a normal human being, even if it's something as narrative-driven as the recently published Kerouac/Burroughs collaboration And The Hippos Were Boiled In Their Tanks, which I read over Winter Break. Yesterday. . .even though I have my first day of class tomorrow. . .I watched a documentary called Buy The Ticket, Take The Ride: Hunter S. Thompson on Film, followed by another one called The Life and Times of Allen Ginsberg. Not that either of these documentaries was particularly incisive, but I'm a sucker for 84-minute video compilations of interesting people talking about more interesting people (especially considering that the HST documentary featured interviews from Sean Penn, Johnny Depp, John Cusack, and BILL MURRAY. . .um, do any other actors even matter?)

The problem then. . .is that these videos along with their corresponding literary masterpieces start to remind me of everything that I hate about today's society, especially in light of this project, which asks people my age to define what our generation is about.

I hate the fact that it's nearly impossible, not to mention entirely stigmatized, to survive without a regular job. You can't just work when you feel like it--or when you need more money for food and alcohol. People aren't really encouraged to have numerous and varied skills, instead they are encouraged to go to college and specialize and do their best to work within that field in order to find "happiness."

I hate that it's nearly impossible to pick up and go to Europe whenever you want because of increasing wars, terrorism, and populations. And even if you do, the first restriction still applies. People go backpacking, but everything's so damn expensive now that it's complicated. And now--there isn't a whole lot of difference between Europe and the United States anymore. If you live in Paris. . .yeah, it's still Paris, but there's a McDonald's on every other corner.

I hate that everyone is so uptight now about drugs and alcohol. Not that I'm some sort of addict waiting for social validation. . .but I have this theory about how the increase in concern over these substances has more to do with the changing American personality than the drugs themselves. I wish I could find a way to explain how William S. Burroughs lived to the age of 83 and how Herbert Huncke, who Kerouac essentially characterized as a street junkie, lived to the age of 82. Hunter S. Thompson killed himself at 67, but he never had an expectations of living past 50.

I hate that everyone hides behind their religions while simultaneously disregarding most of their tenets. While Thompson managed to create his own ideology, Kerouac and Ginsberg worked from a compelling combination of Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism, holding no pretensions about which one was superior.

I hate that there's so much pressure now to fit into a category. We're defined by our professions, our relationships, our living quarters, and how we dress. Now I realize that I may be laboring under the delusion that it wasn't like this pre-1975, when clearly the influx of Mad Men and Revolutionary Road popularity indicates that it very much was for many people. I also realize that my backwards cultural analysis is dangerous. . .but I feel like the survival of these works has to suggest that they're more than just fantasy.

Which. . .is basically the problem.

As long as I can believe that a voyage like the one in On the Road is attainable and as long as all of HST's fear and loathing makes perfect sense. . .their works are going to have to remain "vacation reading."

"Get your patchouli stink outta my store."

2009-01-16T15:14:00.008-05:00

Oscar Quest 2009 is, to quote the inimitable Peyton Manning in his Oreo commercial, "on like Donkey Kong."

Some of you may know that I treat the Oscars the way about 60% of the men on this planet treat March Madness. I seek out all the movies that are nominated, see them, and make my own picks for the Oscars. Similar to the fortunes of my own personal sports loyalties (which do not include anything related to college sports), my Oscar picks are quite frequently shot to hell, either because the Academy fails to recognize the actual best movie for sentimental or idiotic reasons or because I have only rarely had the opportunity to actually see all the movies in question, since they often don't even come to the Cedar Lee until very close to or after the ceremony has already happened. I'm determined that this year should be different. I made picks for 12 of the Golden Globe categories and 9 of them were right. Hopefully. . .my Oscar predictions will be as accurate, and this year's Oscar nominations are announced this coming Thursday so I will have more guidance after then. I've added a gadget to the sidebar here to track which movies I've seen, and I'm going to give short reviews here. . .for no particular reason other than that I wish I could be paid for it, haha. In the chronological order that I saw them, here they are:

Doubt (4 stars):
In retrospect, I'm not sure how I feel about this movie. It gets 4 stars for the acting--which is perfect--but there's still something that feels murky about the transition it made from a stage play to a movie. I would recommend it to those who enjoy good acting and don't mind loose ends. I admire the goals that this movie tried to accomplish, but I'm not entirely sure I'm satisfied with the result. (On an only vaguely related note: the writer/director of this movie (and the play) is John Patrick Shanley, who also wrote and directed my favorite of the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan collaborations Joe Versus The Volcano. Now that's one hell of a shift.)

The Reader (4 stars):
Now. . .hindsight is an interesting thing. While it has cooled my opinion of Doubt, it seems to have warmed my feelings towards The Reader. This movie is NOT perfect by any stretch of the word. . .at this point I have heard it boiled down numerous times to half soft-core porn and half tedium. I liked it. I love Kate Winslet. I love movies that feel literary--and director Stephen Daldry is a master of that, having previously directed The Hours and Billy Elliot. I find it interesting that reviewers seem to support this movie (Peter Travers and Roger Ebert wrote poignant and glowing reviews) and "regular people" seem to dislike it. Perhaps you have to read one of those glowing reviews to see the important themes as the movie reveals them, but I think The Reader is worth the time.

Milk (5 stars):
OH MY GOD, MILK. I had to get that off my chest--this is by far the best movie I've seen not only in this Oscar year (hopefully only because Revolutionary Road has remained tantalizingly out of my reach. . .next week we'll see if this is different) but in a very long time. I'm sure there are plenty of reviews out there that credit all the actors for embracing their characters and their implied homosexuality like they did for Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain. Yeah, okay. . .sure. But that's a cop out. Every one in this movie is perfect--Sean Penn is more deserving of a Best Actor Oscar this year than he was when he won for Mystic River, that's for damn sure (and that's why I'm 9/12 instead of 10/12 in Globe picks. . .stupid Mickey Rourke). Gus Van Sant expertly weaves in original footage from the era so that, while this movie feels political, it remains a movie. Harvey Milk is not just a charismatic political figure--Van Sant and Penn make him so human that everyone in the audience can see exactly why people followed him and why he was able to effect change. I was crying like a small child lost in a Wal-Mart at the end, and I would hope that the Academy would be the one institution smart enough to recognize this movie for its greatness, even as they failed to recognize Brokeback Mountain in any real way.

Gran Torino (5 stars):
I was not expecting to like this movie. . .but it's really great. I saw it partially because my mom wanted to go to the movies and it was the only thing that moderately appealed to her and because my dad let out a string of expletive exclamations when I said that the only Clint Eastwood movie I've ever seen was Million Dollar Baby and I fucking hated it. If you've only seen the TV commercials, they don't begin to get at how eloquent this movie is because they're selling it based on the badass Eastwood appeal and little else. Those who might turn away from the badass Eastwood appeal will still find this a compelling treatment of race relations in modern Detroit and of the same themes of identity present in the more artsy films of season. It really has the potential to appeal to everyone, and it is certainly more satisfying than the other movies that I'm discussing here.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (3 stars):
I didn't like it. I've seen Forrest Gump about 40,000 times, so my dislike of this movie can't be attributed to its general adherence to the saccharine dictates of the fake and fantastical biopic (although. . .it was written by the same people who wrote Forrest Gump). I don't know what F. Scott Fitzgerald originally wrote that turned into this movie, so I can't object to it based on literary loyalties. . .but I'm sure that F. Scott would need a bottle of gin after seeing this movie. I will object to it, however, based on its star, Brad Pitt, and my suspicion that using him in this gimmick as opposed to any other actor is mainly an excuse to use aging software to make him look like he did when he was People's Sexiest Man Alive or whatever and not one half of Brangelina, the no-talent faux-humanitarian rulers of Hollywood as we know it. My suspicion is also that any actor could have done this part and many could have added much that Pitt's performance lacks. Is that harsh? Maybe. But I have issues with a world where Angelina Jolie has an Oscar for a movie that was dreadful and Kate Winslet turns out performance after perfect performance and only just won her first two major awards.
Anywho, the best parts of this movie have little to do with Brad Pitt but with his female co-stars, who are wonderful on the whole. Cate Blanchett and ESPECIALLY Tilda Swinton are as great as they always are, Julia Ormond does well as Daisy's daughter, and Taraji P. Henson is great as Benjamin's adopted mother. The narrative is framed through Daisy's daughter reading a diary of Benjamin's life to her dying mother as Hurricane Katrina moves into the city of New Orleans. This should have been brilliant! Brilliant symbolic destruction!! It misses its mark. I'm not entirely sure how no review I've read has mentioned the similarity between this narrative trick and that of Titanic--old lady accompanied by young female relative reveals things the relative had previously never known about. I'm still pissed at the failure of the ending to resolve loose ends involving the daughter, but I won't say more out of respect to anyone who hasn't seen Benjamin Button and intends to go.
Like Forrest Gump, this movie is one long series of (un)fortunate events strung together, some of which are treated with the tenderness of a great director and some of which are idiotic, but they're supposed to culminate in the tremendous sadness of the fact that, while Benjamin and Daisy meet in the middle, they have to watch each other fade away. Perhaps this is just my reaction after seeing (a different kind of) ambition in movies like The Reader and Gran Torino, but it all feels hollow. While I was bawling at Milk and clearly crying at The Reader and Gran Torino, I didn't shed a tear at the end of this movie. The three stars that I gave a movie I otherwise clearly disliked are for 1) Tilda Swinton, 2) the seamlessly integrated special effects (which I would usually dislike), and 3) the potential that this story had to really transcend the limits of a movie, even though, in my personal opinion, it fails.

Finally. . .
Slumdog Millionaire (4.5 stars):
For some reason. . .my mother had decided that this was the movie she REALLY WANTED to see even before it won the Golden Globe for Best Picture-Drama. This movie really has the potential to be a Best Picture Oscar Winner that actually deserves it, and that's saying something coming from me, since the last Best Picture winner I approved of was Chicago (2002). Peter Travers put it best when he said something to the effect of: this movie defies comparison because there is simply nothing like it. I can't say that it's my favorite movie that I've seen this year, or even that I've reviewed here, but it's special. The music is great, the young actors are wonderful, and the plot is so clever. Although it was made by Brits (both the screenwriter, Simon Beaufoy, and the director, Danny Boyle of Trainspotting fame), it feels like an authentic look into Indian culture. The basic plot is that a young man goes on the Indian version of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire in order to reconnect with his lost love, but he is accused of cheating. In reality, it is more about the remarkable convergence of circumstances that would allow someone to achieve greatness. Although it would seem silly to think of a game show contestant inspiring people, the end shows flashes of Gandhi with mobs gathered around small TVs to watch the show. At its core, which is embedded in layers of religious conflict, gang crimes, and corruption, Slumdog Millionaire is a love story, and it's really quite remarkable.

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Two other comments:

I don't really understand the MPAA's movie rating system anymore. Like. . .I've spent more than enough time complaining about how people in this country seem not to mind spilling intestines but cry foul if a male actor appears naked. . .I've seen French movies that would make puritanical American audiences quake for all the sexuality included (and I only went into a few of said French movies expecting this, haha). My mom has this thing about rated R movies. . .where I was never allowed to see them and still got chided for it after I was MPAA-allowed. She was apprehensive, even, about going to see Gran Torino because it's rated R, but ended up loving it. I understand why that movie is rated R. . .if only because there are a lot of cursing and somewhat necessary racial slurs that cannot be heard by impressionable viewers. I understand why The Reader is rated R because nudity is the costume of the actors for half of the movie. However, Slumdog Millionaire isn't anywhere near either of those movies in content. All of the violence is clearly defined within the good/evil paradigm. . . Similarly, I went to see Defiance today because, in addition to the fact that I would watch Daniel Craig read the phone book for 3 hours, it looked good. Again, war movie = rated R. But it wasn't exactly Saving Private Ryan. People died, but that's kind of a fact of the human condition, and the inspirational story and the periodically didactic aspects about what a successful society should be trump the violence. You don't see any body parts or open wounds, but in M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening (which is PG-13, mind you), I got to watch somebody get run over by a lawnmower. Now. . .let's just go with: if I'm going to have nightmares about something, it's going to be something as decidedly possible as getting run over by a lawnmower not getting blown up by German bombers in 1942. I remember watching the Shock and Awe bombings of Baghdad AS THEY HAPPENED on regular cable TV DURING SCHOOL in 2003, and that made me more ill than anything I saw in any of the movies mentioned above. I feel like the ratings need to be more subjective, and the MPAA needs to spend more time on thoughtful analysis than on putting stupid shit like scenes of tobacco usage on the same level of violent and/or sexual scenes.
Finally, if I don't see Revolutionary Road soon, I am going to explode. Yes, I am that asshole who has been uncharacteristically waiting since 1997 for Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio to make another movie. . .partially because *swoons* Titanic and partially because, in their separate careers, they are two of my favorite actors. I bought the book Revolutionary Road in June, pretty much the day after I heard that the movie was being made, and I finally finished it over break in about four days after three false starts between June and December. I feel. . .somehow validated that, not only are they back together, but they've made exactly the kind of movie that satisfies me most these days. Not to mention that my new location has made me revel in anything that sharply indicts those living in the 'burbs. . .

You gotta love it though somebody still speaks from the soul

2008-12-14T00:13:00.007-05:00

I love Kanye West. I may be ashamed of some of the music that I listen to *cough* Jonas Brothers *cough*, but Kanye West is just fucking fabulous.

Now, even as I type this. . .he's walking a thin line between butchering and enriching his newest single "Love Lockdown" on Saturday Night Live. Basically meaning that. . .the verses sound weird because of the Autotune shit not working live, and the choruses sound amazing because he's doing that rock star Kanye thing.

Yesterday, I listened to his new album 808s and Heartbreak on Lastfm. . .and couldn't get it out of my head. Today, I have purchased it for myself and have been listening to it preeettty much non-stop (except for more DMB and some Radiohead. . .which currently fill out the list of my Top 3 Musical Obsessions). I've got to admit--I'm a fan.

Rolling Stone gave it only a mediocre review. . .most other reviews I've read seem to be about the same and based on the same one thing: Kanye has abandoned his sense of humor. . .and rap. They note that Kanye at his best was still able to make fun of himself and the limits of rap music--but isn't the whole point that he's trying to transcend these limits?

Also, I think his loss of humor is understandable--since his last album Graduation, his mom has died, and he ended his relationship with his fiancee. Are we supposed to expect him to take this lightly? The best music comes from anger, despair, or dissatisfaction (or any combination of the above)--Exhibit A) Jagged Little Pill is still classic and every other Alanis Morrissette album sucks. If Kanye ignored his feelings and turned out another rap album--it would be terrible. And Kanye does not have a terrible bone in his body.

I think. . .there's something to be said for an artist who's willing to take a huge risk and potentially alienate his/her/their fan base in order to further their music. Sometimes it pays off (Holy shit, Viva La Vida). . .sometimes it really doesn't (most people would say Sam's Town by the Killers). Kanye can't sing. So he overcomes his weakness. Makes sense.

But, of course, since it's Kanye. . .he can't just overcome his weakness. HE creates a new genre. Ordinarily. . .I would probably find this pretentious. But in this case, I approve. . .because I think he's on to something. He said in an interview (I'm not sure where, the internet seems to be failing me in finding the source of this quote):

This is not hip-hop music. Taking a sample, looping it and doing all that ‘throw your hands up in the sky’ thing has become such a cliche. Hip-hop is over for me. I sing, not rap, on this album. I now want to be grouped among those musicians you see in those old black-and-white photos - the Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, the Beatles. And I’m not going to get there by doing just another rap album full of samples. I’ve had to create a whole new musical genre to describe what I’m doing now and I’m calling it ‘pop-art’ - which is not to be confused with the visual art movement.

(Emphasis mine)

I like it. Pop music used to be an art form. The Beatles weren't rock and roll until they started smoking up with the Maharishi. The Beach Boys sure as shit aren't "rock and roll." And Billy Joel apparently isn't rock enough to make the list of 100 Greatest Singers, but people still play "Just The Way You Are" at weddings with alarming frequency. But the point is--these musicians are classic and the lines between pop and the vaulted halls of rock and roll didn't used to be so distinct. And, especially in the case of the Beatles, this pop music had the potential to influence lives in ways that people like Britney Spears and the like could never hope to achieve. There's a difference between the superficial sentimentality I have for the Backstreet Boys and how I feel about bands like DMB or even someone like John Mayer. . .because I would say that I "identify" with their lyrics--they make me think, both about them and about myself.

What Kanye says about how he can't reach music immortality through doing "another rap album full of samples" is interesting. I think he's right. "Diamonds from Sierra Leone" (the remix) is the best rap song I have ever heard in my life--but ultimately, Shirley Bassey still steals the show. Kanye was better at making his samples mean something--but if he can eventually find a way to weave in what he's doing on 808s and Heartbreak, which is maybe not as good as the highlights on his other albums but certainly more cohesive as an album (another dead art, if you ask me), and what he used to do on songs like "Jesus Walks" and "Diamonds from Sierra Leone," his chances of becoming one of those immortals should improve considerably.

Even if 808s and Heartbreak isn't the best it could be. . .it has the best intentions. And hell, according to Rolling Stone, Joe Jonas likes "Heartless" as much as I do. Hellllllo, full circle, yet again.

To quote the immortal Rob Fleming/Gordon from (book/movie) High Fidelity:

What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

You show me one contemporary pop song, pre-Kanye's pop art ambitions, that has the potential to affect someone's life like Rob describes. . .and I will buy/make you coffee (I am po'.)

Bartender, please:

2008-12-12T17:01:00.008-05:00

Lately, I've been in a state of perpetual epiphany. That is to say. . .I keep having realizations that are beyond the scope of my normal everyday thoughts. Some of them are about my life or about my home in Ohio. . .some of them are about my work (and frequent lack thereof. . .as evidenced by my most recent triumph of procrastination). . .some of them are the usual pop culture things that I usually post here--but things that I should have realized years ago.

Like, for example, I watched Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle for the first time last night. . .STUNNING, that movie is. Like, I know it's a stupid stoner movie. . .and, incidentally, the perfect way to kill your brain after a week of school-related hell. . .but I can't escape my suspicion that it's really an important commentary on race relations in America. Or maybe that's just because, after four years at Case and the fact that the whole movie takes place in New Jersey, I was crying for 3/4 of it from laughing so hard. (Also. . .the whole thing is kind of sad. . .like, the first place they get off the highway is New Brunswick, which is where Rutgers is. . .and they find that the White Castle closed. . .but really. . .there's a White Castle about 10 minutes away. Tragic, really.)

However, my more important pop culture revelation as of late is based off something that Rachel told me the other day. . .and the fact the DAVE'S 2009 TOUR DATES ARE BEING ANNOUNCED ON MONDAY!!!!! *takes a deep breath* (I hope. . .RIP Leroi. . .that they take that sax player from the Flecktones with them again. . .he was stunning, even in my caffeine withdrawal haze).

Anywho, Rachel told me the other day that the title of the DMB song "Tripping Billies" is actually taken from a slang term for ecstasy. . .like, the drug. Awesome, haha. I'm thoroughly amused by this because, while DMB is obviously the music of pot-smoking tie-dye wearing hippies (in either practice. . .or theory, comme moi). . .I had previously been under the impression that their music was, uh, relatively free from other influences. I assumed that "Tripping Billies" was just another one of Dave's crazy things--because he says some pretty fucked up, crazy shit when he's live in concert.

However. . .as usual. . .I suspect that this is really just another example of the ways that everything in my life seems to come full circle and tie together in the end.

I was listening to DMB earlier. . .and the song "Dancing Nancies" came on. I remember what Rachel had said about "Tripping Billies," and I've always liked "Dancing Nancies" much more. So, I thought, I'll just google it and see what happens. Apparently. . .the story behind the song has to do with Dave being in Germany. . .and seeing some dancing girls and, upon conversing with the taxi driver, discovering that they were actually prostitutes. And not just any prostitutes. . .but TRANSVESTITE prostitutes.

Thus. . .one of my Top 5 DMB songs. . .which I had always just assumed was the musical equivalent of Dave being introspective and stoned. . .is actually. . .named after a European slang term for transvestite prostitutes.

For those of you who aren't aware, I have been absolutely ecstatic for weeks because I'm registered to take a class next semester on Prostitution in 19th Century French Literature and Culture. The idea of prostitution plays such an important part in the study of 19th Century French art, gendered or not, because, if a woman was present in the public sphere, the chances of her at some point engaging in prostitution were enormous.

As for "Dancing Nancies"--it's the Dave song that's all about how the choices we make influence our lives. Here are perhaps the most famous lyrics:

I am who I am who I am well who am I
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Sing and dance I'll play for you tonight
And thrill at it all
Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes
But I'll work it out then I

Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy

Lovely lyrics :) In concert--they're majestic. He throws his head back, everyone in the stadium/amphitheatre sings along at the top of their lungs. When I saw him indoors, the lights were spinning and crazy (upon checking the set list to make sure I was remembering this correctly. . .I find that this concert was three years ago last week. . .if that's not a fuck-I'm-old moment, I don't know what is. I remember this concert like it was yesterday and even the rest of the night in Windsor couldn't wipe it out, lol). . .

So basically. . .in my state of perpetual epiphany, where I've realized that I'm actually happy?, this song seems to have taken a greater significance. Besides just the basic lyrics and my current state of mind--looking forward to the future is lovely because it might be Winter now, but Spring means new album! And Summer means tour! RAAAWWWRRR!! :-D

Stoking the star maker machinery

2008-12-09T09:02:00.007-05:00

I dislike this column. I appreciate that this guy is apparently literate enough to make an Apollinaire reference and refer to the Haussmannization. . .if only because I'm not sure how many people understand those in this day and age (other than people like me who study Paris and see "Paris vs. Havana" in the day's highlight section and say, "You're joking, right? Are there a boxing match between two men. . .who are named Paris and Havana?").

I get. . .that people dislike how commercial Paris has become (which is, oddly, a result of everyone wanting to be there, I suppose). I get that the barriers that used to make it different from New York are rapidly disappearing---New York is not the same New York that I remember from my first couple visits in middle school, when even the Staten Island Ferry ride was a rollicking good time. I'm not even going to take the time to speculate on whether or not Havana is actually "better," partially because it's still Fidel's Havana and partially because Amsterdam has replaced Paris AND New York as my city of choice at this point (and, incidentally, I agree with him that the EU is a "nanny-state," the no smoking in bars law put me over the edge).

I think my problem with this article is in the beginning, when he says:

Climb in a New York taxi these days and a TV comes on with its bombardment of news and ads. It’s become passé to gaze out the window, watch the sunlight on a wall, a child’s smile, the city breathing.

First of all, ride the subway, you elitist asshole.

Second, since I've been to New York once in the last week and about six times since I moved within an hour's train ride. . . I've got to disagree. It might have become passé to enjoy these little pleasures--but only for the people who don't have the pleasure of enjoying them every day. They're still there--in abundance! I'm reminded of the quote by E.B. White, which. . .I originally saw in an ad on the NYC Subway, haha:

There are roughly three New Yorks. There is, first, the New York of the man or woman who was born there, who takes the city for granted and accepts its size, its turbulence as natural and inevitable. Second, there is the New York of the commuter--the city that is devoured by locusts each day and spat out each night. Third, there is New York of the person who was born somewhere else and came to New York in quest of something. Of these trembling cities the greatest is the last--the city of final destination, the city that is a goal. It is this third city that accounts for New York’s high strung disposition, its poetical deportment, its dedication to the arts, and its incomparable achievements. Commuters give the city its tidal restlessness, natives give it solidity and continuity, but the settlers give it passion. And whether it is a farmer arriving from a small town in Mississippi to escape the indignity of being observed by her neighbors, or a boy arriving from the Corn Belt with a manuscript in his suitcase and a pain in his heart, it makes no difference: each embraces New York with the intense excitement of first love, each absorbs New York with the fresh yes of an adventurer, each generates heat and light to dwarf the Consolidated Edison Company. . . .

I think that that's become the problem with Paris. There are still people like me who wish that it were still the Paris where Manet, Degas, or even Picasso (I'm not exactly an early 20th century kinda gal) walked the streets in search of subjects to immortalize. And no one complains anymore about the Haussmannization, which completely altered the scope of the city and made it the city of wide-open boulevards that it is today. There are still people, again. . .confirmed Francophiles like me, who would move to Paris IN A SECOND if they had the money to resettle, and deal with the international boundaries set up, and probably even more who would consider this an option if there weren't a language barrier. By that, I don't mean the fact that everyone in Paris should speak English. I mean that Americans lack the same respect for other languages as Europeans, and I disagree with the columnist when he laments the lack of Parisian snarls. . .I met more people in Paris who couldn't speak sufficient English than in all of the Netherlands. . .where most people speak better English than I do.

If anything--this column, for all its fault, opens up a larger social critic. If Paris is not the Paris it used to be, it's because people no longer have the opportunity to move in and out at will. It's no longer cool to be an international bohemian, living in squalor with your friends, no matter how awesome RENT makes it seem in the theatres, and no one can afford modern cities anymore--not NYC, not Paris, not London, not even Philly and DC. People can no longer live on art alone.

It's kind of a shame, if you ask me.

A lull on an aeroplane

2008-12-08T10:31:00.012-05:00

After spending upwards of 12 hours yesterday working on one paper (including travel time to and from library, getting pissed at noisy undergrads who must have missed the sign that said "library," fetching books, writing, footnoting, dying. . .etc.), one of the few things I've taken time out to do is check Netflix.

Now, you say, why would you check Netflix? The movie you mailed in yesterday isn't going to get processed until Tuesday, probably. And you still have another one out because you didn't realize it was almost three hours long when you put it at the top of your queue. . .

I say: Yes, I do still have that one movie. . .and yes. . .Flashbacks of a Fool won't get there until Tuesday. . .maybe later today if I'm super lucky. However, I am one of those people who signs on to Netflix for the pleasure of rating movies and clicking around the "movies I love."

I've been known to drawn some pretty odd categories out of the Netflix generator. . .
Exhibit A: I gave The Dreamers five stars and I love French movies = Foreign Steamy Romance for a frequently suggested category.
Exhibit B: My new fascination with Ryan O'Neal, due to the fact that he's on Bones now (and because every time my dad sees him, he says something like: "Oh, he used to be so young and handsome!"), has resulted in "Romantic Dramas from the 1970s" becoming a frequent visitor.

Today. . .when I went to the Movies You'll Love Page. . .I see "Gay and Lesbian" as a category (mind you this is not the first time it has happened. . .I usually don't click the Not Interested button because sometimes interesting things come up. . .). It's one thing to include those movies that are actually made specifically for a gay audience. . .like the ones that they used to show at Case when the gay pride organization sponsered a movie with the CWRU Film Society. Yes, I get that. . .that is a legitimate category. Even something like Brokeback Mountain, I get. . .because I'm sure there's a significant portion of the population who wouldn't want that popping up in their recommendations. . .

But Netflix takes it to a crazy new level. Apparently. . .The Hours is considered a "Gay and Lesbian" movie presumably because Nicole Kidman/Virginia Wolff kisses a woman in it and because damn near all the characters in the contemporary vignette are not straight. Also, Frida has come up in the "Because you enjoyed" section. Now. . .it's been awhile since I've seen that movie. . .but since, after all, I do kind of have a degree in studying what she makes. . .you know, ART. . .I kind of remember the point of that movie being how the art was created out of tragedy (her accident) and love (her insanely tumultuous relationship with Diego Rivera). I vaguely remember there being some lesbian overtones, perhaps a lesbian scene or two. . .but clearly, if I can't remember specifics, it does not belong in a "Gay and Lesbian" category.

That's only the basis of what comfuses me. . .today (and the past week or so), this is one of the movies that's been recommended:

Boy Culture (2006)
A male prostitute with the enigmatic name of X (Derek Magyar) carefully avoids personal intimacy and affection, and is only interested in sex when he's being paid for it. X maintains his stoic approach to sex and love until one of his regular customers (Patrick Bauchau) tempts him to reconsider his position by sharing a meaningful story. Director Q. Allan Brocka premiered his unconventional love story at the 2006 Tribeca Film Festival.

And "Because I enjoyed" what, exactly? Brokeback Mountain (ok, like I said, I get that), Kinsey (lots of sex. . .all kinds of sex. . .almost makes sense), and. . .huh? Dreamgirls?!?!

Apparently. . .Netflix thinks that I am a gay man because I gave Dreamgirls four stars. . .Not Priscilla Queen of the fucking Desert. . .or The Rocky Horror Picture Show. . .or even the granddaddy of co-opted gay musicals, The Wizard of Oz. DREAMGIRLS?!?!? How the hell does Dreamgirls translate in to "a male prostitute with the enigmatic name of X"?

I realize. . .that I just responded to stereotypes with more stereotypes. . .but I like to think that I am not alone in my opinion. I imagine that gay people do not want to watch ONLY movies about gay people. Even if a gay character does sweeten the pot a little, it kind of defeats the escapist potential of the medium. Netflix usually does a decent job of recommended movies. . .this is just silly. Especially considering that my queue divides pretty evenly (if I were making the categories):

Raunchy Comedies
Movies Where Things Get Blown Up
Musicals, Old and New, All Kinds
Foreign Movies That I Probably Won't Watch Until I Don't Spend Every Day Reading French Source Material
Cheesy Romantic Soap Opera Movies/TV.

Don't judge me.

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In other Netflix news--I've added pretty much everything Daniel Craig has ever made to my queue (most of his movies are either #2 or #5 of the above categories, in case you were wondering, haha). The DVD that I just returned is a little British movie called Flashbacks of a Fool, which only came out in the past six months or so. It got low ratings on Netflix and shitty reviews in the main press, but I. . .liked it. It moves VERY slow, but it's a delightful little British story (which I'm a sucker for), the acting is good, and I love it when movies play off of a gimmick and it works. In this movie, it's a Roxy Music song. . .so now, I've been compulsively listening to Roxy Music on Pandora, but I have a new pet movie. Which everyone should seek out.

Just like you said it would be

2008-12-02T19:22:00.005-05:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a movie. No joke. Take today for example:

I knew it would be a long day. I have my tombs presentation tomorrow, which I am not nearly as prepared for as I was for my humor presentation last week.

I grabbed a bagel w/cream cheese and poured my coffee in a travel mug as I ran out the door, but I didn't have time to "pack" a lunch and all I grabbed was a 100-calorie bag of popcorn.

After class, I went to the art library, where you're not allowed to eat or drink and sat there until my meeting at 4, which had modest snacks. (I know, I know, you're thinking this is a boring movie. . .I'll get to it)

So after my meeting, I go to the big library because I needed more history books to fill out my tombs presentation. I don't want to check anything out, so I sit down at a desk which happens to have graffiti all over it (. . .actually they all do. . .because NJ is ghetto-rific. . .but that's beside the point). A fine upstanding member of the sorority Sigma Delta Tau had written her letters on this particular desk about five inches tall and in bright colored marker. I giggled to myself and finished with the books.

I go downstairs to use a copier, and I run into a girl (literally). . .who is wearing a Sigma Delta Tau shirt. . .and everything starts to get a little weirder, as my stomach rumbles yet again.

Finally, I leave the library to go home, and I pull out of the parking lot only to discover that I am behind a car with a Sigma Delta Tau bumper sticker.

Now. . .for those of you that haven't already figured it out. . .

Sigma Delta Tau's Greek Letters look like this:

Every time I see those letters, I want to make a joke about anorexic sorority girls (. . .which probably makes me a bad sorority girl myself. . .Oops).

Apparently the universe was telling me to eat already. . .

Sing out loud, sing out strong

2008-11-20T18:47:00.010-05:00

Rolling Stone released a list of the 100 Greatest Singers of All Time. This list is dreadful, and my head will explode if I try to comment on everything I think is wrong with it, so I linked it above. . .and I would like it if everyone would tell me what you dislike the most or how you feel about the Top Ten. . .and then probably tomorrow or Saturday, I will put in bullets my biggest complaints.

And perhaps I will post the angry letter I'm drafting to the RS offices about Roger Daltrey being as low as 61. BLASPHEMY, I tell you.
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EDIT

Here we go. I still want people to post and tell me what they think about the list (or now about my comments as well). . .

Roger Daltrey should be top 20. The Who are a legendary life-changing kind of rock band. Anyone who's ever seen Tommy and/or the footage from Woodstock should think of Roger Daltry standing in front of a picture perfect sunrise singing, "See ME. . .Feeeeeeel me. . . Touch ME! Heal me!" that has a heart (and perhaps also girl parts, but that's a story for another day. . .) will admit that he's top 20 material.
Robert Plant--he's the one that I'm most surprised by, if only because Rolling Stone pretty much perpetuates the altar of Zeppelin worship for all of us post-death of John Bonham fans. Not only that. . .but I think his voice deserves to be top 10 on both of the list criteria that I set forth above. His voice is DISTINCTIVE, but it's also MAGNIFICENT. From the LZ growls to the soft blues with Alison Krauss, why he's not in the top 10 is a complete mystery to me.
Lennon's my favorite Beatle, always has been. "Imagine" has been one of my favorite songs since I was too young to know what my dad meant when he referred to Lennon as a "commie bastard." I'll admit that MY tied-for-favorite Beatles song, "If I Fell," is beautifully led by Lennon. . .but his work changed so much. That said, McCartney's a better singer. Exhibit a) um. . .like 80% of Sargeant Pepper's? b) "Eleanor Rigby" c) "Helter Skelter" (for a dose of the angry Paul!) and d) "Let It Be." Hello. BEAUTIFUL. Also, you could absolutely make the case that McCartney's work with Wings is much more vocally based (and exhibits more vocal talent) than Lennon's post-Beatles work--Lennon was about the lyrics, the emotion, the message, and the sound--all important and rock-star-making. . .but he was not a singer.
Kurt Cobain at 45. (I LOVE YOU KURT!) Um. . .yeah. Not sure in what parallel universe what he does is qualified as singing. . .I was thinking about this last night though, and I feel like he'd probably be pleased with this ranking (even though I think he probably would have been suspicious of RS) because it seems to confirm the reliance on melody that he sought from turning to The Beatles and R.E.M. as some of his biggest influences (Hold on. . .I just realized that Michael Stipe isn't on the list. . .I don't think he serves a bullet point, but really? RS. Come on, he's more deserving that half of the top 50 by your shit criteria). I think Patti Smith does much of the same that Kurt does, and does it with better vocals, so I would be ok if she moved up to 45 and he went to her place at 83.
Bruce Springsteen should be higher than Bono. Any explanation I try to give will just sound like E Street fawning.
Freddie Mercury should be higher than 18.
Oddly, I think I like Johnny Cash and George Jones (and perhaps also Merle Haggard) right where they are. I think they all deserve to be on the list--they've been the biggest cross-genre influences. . .their voices are everything a male country superstar should be. . .Maybe I'd put Cash in the Top 20, but 21 is good enough. A lot of the comments on the website decried the fact that there are very few (respectable) women on this list--in that case, I would say that perhaps Loretta Lynn should be added to represent female country singers. She's certainly as prolific as Cash, Jones, and Haggard, and her most recent work with Jack White truly puts her on another level.
I'm going to try to say this in the least racist way possible. . .I'm a little perplexed by the color distribution of the RS Top 10--partly because RS tends to be very based on the while male rock star but also because I don't think that all 7 of them deserve to be there (and I think there are other African-American singers down the list that deserve to be higher). I don't really have a problem with Aretha Franklin being #1. . .because DAMN she can sing. . .although I think I could make a convincing case for Elvis Presley to be #1 (both logical and complete with fawning). I have a problem with Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, and James Brown being that high. I'm kind of unsure about Sam Cooke, Marvin Gaye, and Otis Redding, but I feel like only two of the three should be there. . .and I'm leaning towards Otis being the one that gets kicked from the Top 10 (in spite of the BRILLIANCE that is "Try a Little Tenderness.") Sorry 'bout your plane crash, man.
Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey should not be on there at all. Fluff. "Touch My Body" or whatever the hell her latest song was called should disqualify Mariah Carey from LIFE and not just this list.
Um. . .Lou Reed? That's all I got. . .
Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison should be higher. . .not necessarily if we're going by vocal talent, but certainly for distinctiveness and iconicness.
Finally, where is Billy Joel? Elton John sits at #38. Billy Joel wrote the piece on Ray Charles but is not included on his own merit. This is almost as offensive as Roger Daltrey being #61. . .When I saw Billy Joel/Elton John on their Face to Face tour, I would say that I went in with relatively equal perceptions of them. Billy Joel won. Hands down. His voice is excellent--strong, beautiful, and his songs are completely tailored to emphasize everything he can do with it. This exclusion is TREMENDOUS. There are other exclusions that I find less personally offensive (i.e. Ann Wilson from Heart), but.. . I'm going to go ahead and take this one personally, RS.

OK. . .so to cement my position, after all of this bitching, I'm going to list what I think SHOULD have been the Top 11 Greatest Singers of All-Time. This is, as always, open for disagreement.

11. Roger Daltrey
(The Who)

10. Paul McCartney
(The Beatles/Wings/solo)

9. Janis Joplin

8. Bob Dylan
(I think that some of what he does is more purring/rasping than singing. . .but I gotta go with the influence he's had on other people's vocal stylings)

7. Marvin Gaye
(I don't agree with my own pick here, haha, but I felt like a lot of people would trump me with reasons he should be here. . .)

6. Freddie Mercury
(Queen)

5. Roy Orbison
(I've been brainwashed by my father's obsession with the Black and White Night special)

4. Sam Cooke
(I keep listening to "A Change Is Gonna Come" and wondering why I didn't hear that everyday during election season. . .I wish I had.)

3. Robert Plant
(Led Zeppelin/solo work)

2. Aretha Franklin

and finally, the one, the only KING of Rock and Roll!

1. Elvis Presley

I realize. . .that on some level, I'm just conforming to what these Rolling Stone lists always tend to become, and maybe they were really trying to do something different with this one. . .but there are a reason these people are as legendary as they are. . .why these people are so frequently cited as influences even among today's musicians where influences are often completely unintelligible.

La plume de ma tante

2008-11-18T15:24:00.005-05:00

Just another example of how fucked up being an art historian makes your brain:

I'm looking at jewelry on Etsy.com. . .if you're not already familiar, I recommend that you do not check it out unless you have money to piss away.

I like to look for French/France-inspired jewelry. . .because I'm a dork.

But people name their pieces things that they think are very romantic. Or beautiful. . .or "intelligent" sounding.

And yet, when someone names their piece "Le Jardin des Tuileries". . .all I can think is: huh. . .that's where the prostitutes hung/hang out.

Awesome. . .

In Defense of Mr. Bond

2008-11-16T20:49:00.005-05:00

The most recent installment in the long series of James Bond movies, entitled Quantum of Solace, was released on Friday. I saw it today. And seriously. . .if I wasn't already sure from going to see Zack and Miri that Sunday morning movies are the province of lonely men, then today, that was certainly confirmed.

Sooooo Quantum of Solace. I should probably add the disclaimer that I love James Bond. . .I thought the movie was great, so I'm not going to bother to refute all the negative reviews. There's something about Daniel Craig destroying large amounts of people and infrastructure in two hours that really brightens my day. . .In short, I know it's flawed, I know Casino Royale was a "better movie," but I still loved the new one.

My main concern here is that I've heard rumblings lately (Facebook status changes, etc.) that some people view the concept of James Bond as a conflict with their feminist beliefs. I get that. . . kind of. I mean, James Bond, as a concept, is definitely a womanizing, alcoholic, violent SOB. However, I consider myself a feminist. . .and I'm completely obsessed with James Bond. I spent half my summer working through the Connery movies (damn slow Netflix), and On Her Majesty's Secret Service is next in my queue. . .so my knowledge stems mainly from Connery and Craig Bond films.

I think the old Bond movies have to be taken with a grain of salt, so to speak. They're completely from another era, kind of like how people worship Mad Men because it's so "realistic." I'm not saying the Bond movies are realistic. . .but they come out of very real historical paranoias and very real ways of viewing women. They're meant for a certain audience, in other words NOT fun for the whole family. It's always been my impression that they were meant for men of a certain age (my dad was in college when the first ones came out) and women who loved Sean Connery. Cary Grant wasn't exactly a damn saint either, but today we compare him to Mr. Big from Sex and the City instead of calling him a prick. I think a lot of the Bond persona is meant to be kitschy. The martinis, the Walther PPKs, the Aston Martins. . .the stupid names for the girls--it's all comic book posturing. But a paradox for you: Pussy Galore--perhaps THE WORST name of all the Bond girls--is probably the smartest of them. Including Vesper Lynd from Casino Royale and Camille from Quantum of Solace.

The girls are clearly the biggest issue for those who decry James Bond as being a misogynist. I mean. . .names like Honey Ryder, Pussy Galore, Holly Goodhead, Xenia Onatopp, Octopussy. . .the list literally does go on and on. Pussy Galore is quite intelligent, compared to the other girls in the Connery films, and I would argue that the girls get smarter and smarter (and the names get less and less ridiculous) as time has passed. Some of the Pierce Brosnan movies had girls with ridiculous names, but we're up to the Daniel Craig era. . .and we get Vesper Lynd, Solange, Strawberry Fields, and Camille. The two girls who stay with him for his entire mission, Vesper and Camille, are a stunning transition from the rest. He falls in love with Vesper, and she is SMART (although, when played by Eva Green, how could she not be). Camille is kind of a female Bond, and she doesn't even sleep with him. He doesn't try to use her. And on top of that, there is a scene where it seems like Camille is going to be raped, and she fights like hell (I won't say anymore for fear of spoiling the movie. . .).

To be completely frank, I have more of a problem with women today going to the movie for the sole purpose of seeing Daniel Craig than I do with whether or not James Bond should be considered anti-feminist.

However, to quote Monica Corcoran of the LA Times:

"As a feminist, I don't fault the Bond girls for sleeping with James. They're all single -- or dating sociopathic villains -- and frankly, he's a decent one-night stand. (Obviously, protection is a must, as he's bedded more women than Wilt Chamberlain.) But I can't see how any woman would fall for a one-note lout who drinks too much and uses unctuous one-liners like 'I didn't recognize you with your clothes on' and 'When one is in Egypt, one should delve deeply into its treasures.'"

I could fault the Bond girls for sleeping with Roger Moore or Timothy Dalton, but come on, Daniel Craig? Who could resist. . .

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(I did some handy Googling and found this article from the LA Times (which is what I quoted above) where the author expresses all of these same thoughts, but more eloquently. . .)

Thoughts?

2008-11-14T22:59:00.003-05:00

I'm curious to know what people think about these mittens. . .I haven't finished the second one yet, and I don't know when I will, but I'm kind of debating whether they look silly or whether they're nice enough to wear in public without people thinking I'm some sort of crazy homemade Goth freak. . .haha. I will say, all things considered, I am pleased with how this little experiment turned out.

Since my camera battery was dying and I didn't have time to experiment with how to get the details to show. . .yes, this mitten is black, and yes, that is, in fact, a skull cabled into the top. Cable chart available here).

Getting Knitty, Part II

2008-11-03T11:52:00.003-05:00

Here is the hat I knitted to match the mittens :)

Should I go for a matching scarf, or do you think it would be too much? Haha.

I know you want what's on my mind

2008-11-02T12:21:00.006-05:00

Sunday morning movies are the province of men in their 30s, just as weekday morning movies are the province of middle aged men. Most people who know me know that I go to the movies alone more than could possibly be healthy. I like morning movies because they're cheaper and it doesn't break up my day as much as an afternoon movie would. In fact, the theater was so deserted that perhaps I will make Sunday morning movies a regular thing--it's even more convenient because the Art Library doesn't open until 1pm on Sundays. So basically, I've already seen Zack and Miri Make A Porno and gotten coffee at Dunkin' Donuts, and the Art Library isn't even open yet.

Thus--this post is the first part of two on this recent comedy Renaissance. Today, I'll review Zack and Miri, and soon enough, when I feel the need to shirk more of my schoolwork, I want to post on Saturday Night Live and its recent genius.

First, I'd like to examine the critics' response to the movie that made me laugh so hard I had tears streaming down my face.

Zack and Miri has gotten mixed reviews as far as I can tell.

Lisa Schwartzbaum, of Entertainment Weekly via CNN.com, calls Zack and Miri "stupid and sophomoric," says that "The whole joke is so very ... one decade out of date," and declares it worthy of a C- rating. Now, I used to subscribe to EW. I have never read a review by that woman with which I agree. I think she's bigoted and unreasonably pretentious, although I've read reviews that she's written about "quality" films and just as thoroughly disagreed with them.
The Washington Post gave it an affectionate review: ". . .the excavators of the future will note that despite the crude humor, standard plot and one gross-out scene, they laughed out loud more than they should have, perhaps because everyone on screen seems to be having so much fun and because the movie wants its couple to find each other." They also said: "They'll look at this story of a bone-cold winter in Pittsburgh, where a schlub named Zack has a lifelong babe of a friend and roommate named Miri, and wonder why this nice girl isn't somewhere else. Cleveland, say." Cleveland, huh? That would be a little too much for me, but I appreciate the insinuation (nay, fact!) that Cleveland is better than Pittsburgh, where Zack and Miri is clearly set.
The New York Times' critic A.O. Scott characteristically gave it an ambiguous review, not really saying it's a bad movie but not saying anything terribly positive either. I respect A.O. Scott, I would say that I agree with him about 70% percent of the time. . .I will respond to his review more in a minute.
Finally, Rolling Stone, i.e. my Bible. Peter Travers, in my humble opinion, is by far the most compelling movie critic around. I almost always agree with him --and he doesn't always agree with the critical pack. For example, his review is the sole reason I went out of my way to see Atonement (New Year's Day in the middle of a fucking blizzard in Cleveland), and I think he and I were the only people who loved it as much as we did. Anywho--he gave Zack and Miri three stars and said, "In Smith's playful hands, amateur porn isn't hot, it's hysterical," and "Naughty and nice is a killer-hard combo to pull off. Stick with Rogen and Banks. They rock it." Now, this is the man who, in the same issue, said that High School Musical 3 is the movie event of the year only "if you're gay and/or eight years old." The man doesn't exactly beat around the bush when it comes to reviewing movies. Thus, I think it's significant that he enjoyed Zack and Miri.

The most common complaint from movie critics (especially the esteemed A.O. Scott) is that Zack and Miri is formulaic. Now, I appreciate independent thinking and original movies just as much as any other intellectual-in-training. However, the question I have to ask is: can't a formula be good sometimes? Do movies always have to be original to be good? I don't think so. I don't think it matters that Zack and Miri is formulaic. I don't think it matters that Seth Rogen is playing essentially the same character that he's played in all his movies (except that he was significantly edgier in The 40 Year Old Virgin). I think it matters that this was pulled off with skill. Without Rogen and Banks, this movie would be much worse, I'm sure. Without Kevin Smith, a similar movie would have failed miserably. I think there's enough to love in this movie to excuse the formula. And--until it slows down a little at the end to be sentimental--it's paced more successfully than a good portion of the Judd Apatow sponsored comedies (not that I don't enjoy them wholeheartedly).

Part of me wonders how this movie would have been received if Judd Apatow hadn't blown up in recent years. Almost every review I read makes the easy comparison because Seth Rogen is Smith's star. They inevitably compare it to Smith's other movies (the bad ones compare it to Jersey Girl, haha) and his fondness for including a sympathetic message of advice to his watchers. I'm sure that a) Zack and Miri would have been significantly more shocking and b) reviewers might be refreshingly at a loss for words. They would still be able to compare it to Jersey Girl, arguably Smith's worst movie, but dammit, I liked Jersey Girl. And I've defended it for so many people that I have it down to three concrete reasons it's still quality entertainment:

The character played by Jennifer Lopez dies in the first ten minutes. How could any movie where this happens be bad?
Ben Affleck, object of Kevin Smith's adoration, is very attractive; and finally:
George Carlin. Playing a father. BRILLIANT.

It's not exactly quality cinema, but it's still entertaining. Inevitably, Kevin Smith movies leave you feeling all sticky sweet, while still giving you a terrifying mental image to repress for the rest of your life, i.e. Kinky Kelly in Clerks II. I'm not going to tell you what it is in Zack and Miri. All I will say is that it involves my favorite of Smith's repeat offenders (Jeff Anderson, who played Randall in Clerks and is the cameraman here), and that I'm already successfully on my way to repressing it. Yeah, much of what happens in Zack and Miri is pretty foul. Yeah, I was one of two females out of maybe 12 people in the theater. Yeah, Kevin Smith is far from Fellini and Bergman. But when Zack and Miri comes out on DVD, I'm gonna buy it, I'm gonna watch it over and over again, and I'm gonna love it for the rest of my life. Because it's fucking hilarious.

A final observation:
What should I make of the fact that, when I move to New Jersey, Kevin Smith no longer sets his movies in New Jersey? Previously, you have Clerks and Clerks II, Mallrats, JERSEY Girl (caps mine), Dogma (which ends in New Jersey), and also Chasing Amy and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (I can't remember if they're set in New Jersey). All of these movies, with the exception of Jersey Girl, are tied together by the presence of Jay and Silent Bob. Is switching the setting to Pittsburgh, a landscape perhaps even bleaker this pothole of a state that I currently live in, his way of clarifying the move away from Jay and Silent Bob? I would be alright with that. After all, the move to Pittsburgh allowed for a Steelers fan to interrupt their porn shoot, during which I was laughing so hard I thought my lungs were going to pop out of my throat and tears were streaming down my face. . .I don't think any of the Jersey natives were nearly as amused. Thus, I leave you with this:

Dear Mr. Smith,

Please come back to New Jersey. You're one of few bright spots.

Love,
Mary

Getting Knitty

2008-10-20T23:14:00.004-04:00

Soooo I've been rather loquacious as of late--almost a post a day! Haha.

Anywho--I had been meaning to write this post, but I didn't think it would be this soon. However, my class for tomorrow is canceled so I elected to just get my mittens done.

From a pattern off of this blog, which I am completely entranced by (I'm also knitting one of her scarfs. . .), I knitted a pair of fingerless mittens for use in the frigidly cold Rutgers Art Library.

For the first thing I've ever knitted with a shape, they turned out pretty well!

The Killer Awoke Before Dawn

2008-09-18T20:35:00.006-04:00

A few days ago, I went into New York City to see Chuck Klosterman, the illustrious author of Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, Killing Yourself to Live, and Fargo Rock City, read from his new work of fiction, Downtown Owl. The jury is still out on Downtown Owl. I only had time to read the first fifty pages on the train on the way there--oh, the life of a grad student! If I didn't have Netflix and the attention span of a five-year-old, my life would certainly be "all work and no play," as the cliche suggests.

Anywho, Chuck said some interesting things. He said that he thought Obama would win the election. He said that he would gladly teach at any university that would have him. Curiously, he also said, after one audience member had asked him a question that made me go, "Damn, that's deep!," that, if he would have known so many people would have taken Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs so seriously, he never would have written it. I bet he's not the first author to have such thoughts.

The thing I most felt memorializing, even thought I do not feel like analyzing it right now, is the final question asked by an audience member.

"If you had to choose between sports and music knowing that the one you didn't choose would be completely eliminated from your life, which would you choose?"

Ok, kiddies, raise your hand if you think Chuck Klosterman would pick music?

You're WRONG. Chuck said that, although he enjoys writing about and analyzing music more, watching sports is what he does when he's just being himself, not trying to be funny. Verrrry interesting, Chuck. I'm not sure which one I would have chosen.

.